I'm 22 years old and I am pretty depressed. All my life I remember my mother being really loving but overly involved. I didnt mind then bc I wanted her to help me... I needed her help. She made decisions for me and would tell me what was right and wrong.. I would tell her literally everything about my life and would not keep anything from her at all. Is this enmeshment? Now that I am out of college I am so confused with my life and I'm afraid of growing up. I don't know what I want to do with my life and feel as if I don't have a purpose sometimes. I can't be intimate with the opposite sex and I am afraid of getting close.. Not sure quite the reason why. I desperately want to fall in love so bad and constantly go after guys who show me just enough interest and I know they don't want a relationship. I keep thinking that one day they will want to be with me when we both slowly get to know eachother. I sometimes have the urge to hook up and want closeness so I do that when I am drunk.
I was anorexic my freshman year of college and felt so good about myself.. I felt so in control and looked great. However I ended ip eventually developing binge eating disorder.. Now I have gained weight and feel disgusted about my body and worthless. I feel like I am out of control.. My mom doesn't understand that I have a lot of problems from my past.. I am very insecure about myself and growing up I was made fun of and taken advantaged of. I don't feel free like I can make my own decisions bc I am constantly seeking approval from others (especially my mom) and I try to please others.
Does this all make any sense? What do I do to be happy and love myself? And eventually be able to be in a loving relationship?
I was anorexic my freshman year of college and felt so good about myself.. I felt so in control and looked great. However I ended ip eventually developing binge eating disorder.. Now I have gained weight and feel disgusted about my body and worthless. I feel like I am out of control.. My mom doesn't understand that I have a lot of problems from my past.. I am very insecure about myself and growing up I was made fun of and taken advantaged of. I don't feel free like I can make my own decisions bc I am constantly seeking approval from others (especially my mom) and I try to please others.
Does this all make any sense? What do I do to be happy and love myself? And eventually be able to be in a loving relationship?