Do you think this is something that should be discussed before making a decision?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Just trying to make it
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Just trying to make it

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We are married. My husbands ex-wife has been denying him visitation with his daughter. My husband went to consult with an attorney today. I knew about the consult but he hired her before even coming home and discussing it with me. I did not go with him because I recently had surgery and could not make the drive.
Im upset for a few reasons : 1- it is going to cost us a few thousand and we dont have that kind of miney
2- this is going to effect me too- financially. So I think he should have made this decision with me not before I had a chance to hear all the details.

What do you think? I feel like big things like this in a marriage should be a joint effort / decision???

P.S. He isnt willing to get a 2nd job to foot the bill either!
I guess I should add he isn't paying for it - I AM. He is using the money that I took out of my 401K to catch up on our mortgage. We also have 2 kids that he needs to provide for! He isn't trying to get custody just his visitation enforced.
this is the way I look at it and maybe Im being bitchy but this has gone on for 3 summers now and he has yet to earn any extra cash or put some $ in savings. He outs for lunch everyday and spends money going out. If he was that damn concerned he should have been making plans all along.
 
Yes I would be upset, I mean he needs an attorney, the cost is a big issue. He should have discussed it before he went to meet with the attorney.
 
Maybe you think your husband should consult you - and maybe he should have - but what is done is done. There is no alternative to consulting an attorney in this matter. Everything legal should be decided with the help of a legal expert. If your husband is a good enough dad to want to see his daughter, and he'll move forward to work through legal channels to make that happen, then you can support him in that because it is a good thing. Children need the attention and concern of their dad.
When you bought your house (if you bought one), didn't it cost you a couple of thousand in legal fees. Yep. But you thought of it as an investment because possibly you'd make money selling your house down the road - and guess what, that isn't always the cae. People can lose money by purchasing a house.
You did it anyway because you wanted the stability of a home, not something you could be forced to leave if the landlord decided to 'go condo'. Your husband wants stability in his relationship with his daughter. Try to see it in those terms. The cost is what it is. It's a legal matter.
He didn't sneak off to buy himself a new Corvette, for God's sake!
 
All this is part of the package when you marry a man with an ex wife and children. He wants to see his child and since the ex is not cooperating he must resort to court. It would be foolish for him not to have a lawyer.

I think that he should have told you first but you reallly should have seen it coming. I sense something else here, like a desire for him NOT to try and get custody of the child. He did not need your consent to try and deal with a custody issue. This is not a joint effort as you are not really concerend here this is between him and his ex.
 
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