Brat...you really have such a poetic soul, and I mean that as a compliment.
I hope not, but your question is thought-provoking.
We are indeed inundated from birth with messages to discourage and thwart interdependence.
Your comment about respite is sombering. I believe that one of the most rewarding and joyous things that comes of a good relationship is just that. Being able to spend quality time with someone who accepts you and loves you despite all of your quirks, faults, and weaknesses is such a welcome, rejevenating, calming, healing experience.
It gives one strength, resolve, confidence, and peace that is very difficult to find in this world. Ideally, one finds enough positivity, self-assurance, and fulfillment within to be able to share time and experiences with another without feeling threatened and burdened by that person's "needs."
Some of the most rewarding experiences in life involve meeting the needs of others. Meeting the needs of someone we truly love can be awe-inspiring. Yet, we begrudge allowing others to meet our needs, and we resist allowing others to depend on us because we fear losing our autonomy and blurring our personal boundary lines.
Children, with their innocence and simplistic view of life and the world are so willing to trust and share and open themselves to rely on others to do the same. It is sad that so many of us lose that ability to keep an open heart and mind as we make our way through life.
When others betray us, lie, mistreat, and let us down, we usually immediately erect barriers and walls to avoid allowing it to happen again, Instead of analyzing how and why we ended up judging someone's character carelessly, or what we were seeking to fill within ourselves by getting involved with someone who probably had a multitude of character flaws that were fairly evident had we examined them or observed clearly, so that we can avoid repeating the same behavior, we simply shut down and make blanket assumptions about people.
Granted, far too many experience these betrayals at such a young age that it interferes with their ability to process feelings and emotions and function as an adult. That subject alone generates books of thought and discussion.
We have developed into a society of individuals who have been trained, cautioned, admonished, and intimidated to avoid dependence or trust in others.
I cannot speak for others, but I personally have a fiercely independent personality that is complicated tremendously by a great sensitivity to the feelings of others. I spent a great deal of my life protecting that sensitivity by shutting others out of my life.
I was lucky enough to meet someone in life who taught me some invaluable lessons about the rewards of opening myself to others while maintaining my boundaries and common sense. I finally realized that to experience real love and true caring, I had to be willing to risk hurt feelings and loss.
The reality is that without interdependent relationships with others, we experience loss anyway...we simply rationalize it, and explain it away. That is not to imply that everyone needs a marriage or a partner or significant other or family to be happy in life. There are many who are introverted and don't require as much interdependence as others. However, no person in existence simply appeared on this planet independent of an attachment to another human being.
All of us need someone at some point or time in our life. It can be frightening, disconcerting, and troubling, and we often detest that most basic vulnerability.
I think those of us who find any real degree of happiness in this lifetime find the way to make peace with that. We realize that loss does not mean death, although it can involve death. We realize that the risk of interdependence with another or others does involve risk and maybe even ridicule. We realize that if we lose, we can pick up the pieces and choose to experience something else.
We can choose to allow someone else to have the opportunity to demonstrate that he or she has our best interest at heart, and will do his or her best to act on that.
If we reach a point in that relationship where that person clearly is no longer acting in our best interest, we realize that we can choose to keep the good and valuable things that person imparted to us and let the rest go so that we don't become angry, cold, vindictive, or bitter. We realize that we have personal power, and while we may choose to share it with another, we can reclaim it if necessary.
I think it is ultimately up to us, Interdependent relationships require bravery, courage, determination, and a willingness to communicate openly and honestly. I choose to believe that there are enough of us in the world that possess these characteristics and refuse to isolate ourselves. I choose to believe that we will not simply adhere to popular social opinions, and that we will use our independent spirits
