I recently wrote a story. Tell me what you think!! Honest opinion please.
"Anna Jane!" I called to my friend, when I saw her put her backpack on the rack in the cafeteria.
"Hi," She began. "Zoey, do you know if we're supposed to make our front page black and white or-"
"Black." I confirmed.
I forgot to mention, Anna Jane, she is a total nerd. I mean in a good way though. She's my best lovin' nerd a friend could have. Anyways, this isn't what I'm going to talk about. Yes, it is in the cafeteria, but I am just going to skip like 20 minutes of our conversation and get to the real main deal. Okay, I have this secret. It's a pretty deep secret. I haven't told nobody about it, not even my parents. It's my obsession. Why can't I tell anybody about my, "obession"? It's because it's not anything like an obsession of animals, jewelery, or clothes. I'm serious. You may not even want to know what my oppression is. Know one would want to know. My obsession, it's - pee. Yes, pee. You might be shocked. I'm sorry if you are, but I just had to come say it because everyone will soon know about it already. Let's get on with the story. . .
"Anna Jane, you didn't pack a lunch?" I asked her, since she never orders from the cafeteria.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." She replied. "Hey! I am really thirsty right now; I just came back from P.E class. Would you mind letting me have a sip of your apple juice?"
I froze right there. Glad she thought it was apple juice. It wasn't. It was pee. I already told you that, though. Not her, you. The person who is reading this. I hope you understand now. I froze for a long time until I finally said,
"Sure."
"Why's it look a funny color?" Anna Jane interrogated.
"Just," I paused, trying to find the right word. "A different color."
I shouldn't have let her drink that water, but I did. I was hoping she couldn't taste the pee, but it doesn't even taste like apple juice. She squirted the water, I mean pee, in my face.
"What kind of apple juice is this?" Anna Jane looked at me.
"Just, the normal kind." I murmured.
"This isn't normal. That juice tasted disgusting. Was it even juice?"
I whispered to her. "No, it wasn't. It was, believe it or not, pee."
She looked at me again, horrified. Just stunned. That's how I would be if I found out someone drank pee. She went over to the water fountain and splashed loads of water on her face.
I walked up to her, slowly, but trying to look casual.
"Anna Jane?"
"You weren't joking with what you said, were you?" She asked. "You actually drink it?"
"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have talked you." I replied, my face going pale.
"That is disgusting!" Her voice got a little bit higher.
"Please, keep your voice down. I don't want anyone to-" I began, as she interrupted me.
"You, my best friend, Zoey Bishop, drink-- pee?" She screamed, to were the point everyone turned and stared at us.
I was mortified. I looked at everyone. Everyone in my grade. Now, everyone in my grade new I drank pee. I had to think up of something,
"No, it's. . . apple juice." I lied.
"No it's not! I drank it. You let me have a taste of the "not apple juice" but the pee! That is so gross!" She screamed.
"Zoey drinks pee?" Someone asked.
I ran out of the room, with my backpack, going as fast as I could. I bet other people do weird stuff? I could hear Anna Jane and the others, my used to be but not now friends go,
"Pee drinker."
Don't they understand? It's an obsession! It runs in my family- actually, it doesn't. Okay, so what, I drink pee for crying out loud! Maybe... Maybe that is the worst thing someone can do in 7th grade. I could never face my friends again. My face turned red. I was more than mortified. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't leave school.
"Zoey." I heard a voice calling me.
It was the principle. Oh great! What does he want? Doesn't he see that my life is already turned into mayhem now!? Did a student tell him I drank pee? I think I am going to die right now!!
i made this up on the spot im very very very bored XD
"Anna Jane!" I called to my friend, when I saw her put her backpack on the rack in the cafeteria.
"Hi," She began. "Zoey, do you know if we're supposed to make our front page black and white or-"
"Black." I confirmed.
I forgot to mention, Anna Jane, she is a total nerd. I mean in a good way though. She's my best lovin' nerd a friend could have. Anyways, this isn't what I'm going to talk about. Yes, it is in the cafeteria, but I am just going to skip like 20 minutes of our conversation and get to the real main deal. Okay, I have this secret. It's a pretty deep secret. I haven't told nobody about it, not even my parents. It's my obsession. Why can't I tell anybody about my, "obession"? It's because it's not anything like an obsession of animals, jewelery, or clothes. I'm serious. You may not even want to know what my oppression is. Know one would want to know. My obsession, it's - pee. Yes, pee. You might be shocked. I'm sorry if you are, but I just had to come say it because everyone will soon know about it already. Let's get on with the story. . .
"Anna Jane, you didn't pack a lunch?" I asked her, since she never orders from the cafeteria.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." She replied. "Hey! I am really thirsty right now; I just came back from P.E class. Would you mind letting me have a sip of your apple juice?"
I froze right there. Glad she thought it was apple juice. It wasn't. It was pee. I already told you that, though. Not her, you. The person who is reading this. I hope you understand now. I froze for a long time until I finally said,
"Sure."
"Why's it look a funny color?" Anna Jane interrogated.
"Just," I paused, trying to find the right word. "A different color."
I shouldn't have let her drink that water, but I did. I was hoping she couldn't taste the pee, but it doesn't even taste like apple juice. She squirted the water, I mean pee, in my face.
"What kind of apple juice is this?" Anna Jane looked at me.
"Just, the normal kind." I murmured.
"This isn't normal. That juice tasted disgusting. Was it even juice?"
I whispered to her. "No, it wasn't. It was, believe it or not, pee."
She looked at me again, horrified. Just stunned. That's how I would be if I found out someone drank pee. She went over to the water fountain and splashed loads of water on her face.
I walked up to her, slowly, but trying to look casual.
"Anna Jane?"
"You weren't joking with what you said, were you?" She asked. "You actually drink it?"
"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have talked you." I replied, my face going pale.
"That is disgusting!" Her voice got a little bit higher.
"Please, keep your voice down. I don't want anyone to-" I began, as she interrupted me.
"You, my best friend, Zoey Bishop, drink-- pee?" She screamed, to were the point everyone turned and stared at us.
I was mortified. I looked at everyone. Everyone in my grade. Now, everyone in my grade new I drank pee. I had to think up of something,
"No, it's. . . apple juice." I lied.
"No it's not! I drank it. You let me have a taste of the "not apple juice" but the pee! That is so gross!" She screamed.
"Zoey drinks pee?" Someone asked.
I ran out of the room, with my backpack, going as fast as I could. I bet other people do weird stuff? I could hear Anna Jane and the others, my used to be but not now friends go,
"Pee drinker."
Don't they understand? It's an obsession! It runs in my family- actually, it doesn't. Okay, so what, I drink pee for crying out loud! Maybe... Maybe that is the worst thing someone can do in 7th grade. I could never face my friends again. My face turned red. I was more than mortified. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't leave school.
"Zoey." I heard a voice calling me.
It was the principle. Oh great! What does he want? Doesn't he see that my life is already turned into mayhem now!? Did a student tell him I drank pee? I think I am going to die right now!!
i made this up on the spot im very very very bored XD