It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Chris, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely angered, Chris hit a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, she realized that her beloved Tampon was missing! Immediately she called her bed-friend, Little Lampshade. Chris had known Little Lampshade for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Little Lampshade was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... stupid. Chris called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Little Lampshade picked up to a very happy Chris. Little Lampshade calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys panic before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually surreptitiously sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Chris. Why was Little Lampshade trying to distract Chris? Because he had snuck out from Chris's with the Tampon only seven days prior. It was a enchanting little Tampon... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Chris got back to the subject at hand: her Tampon. Little Lampshade turned red. Relunctantly, Little Lampshade invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Tampon. Chris grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Little Lampshade realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Tampon and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Chris took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least seven minutes before Chris would get there. But if she took the Box? Then Little Lampshade would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Little Lampshade was interrupted by six stupid Pedobear Seniors that were lured by his Tampon. Little Lampshade belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he skillfully reached for his dull pencil and skillfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Box rolling up. It was Chris.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Chris was out of the Box and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Little Lampshade's front door. Meanwhile inside, Little Lampshade was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Tampon into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his time machine. Little Lampshade was concerned but at least the Tampon was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Little Lampshade sassily purred. With a heroic push, Chris opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish beer-sloshed tool in a magic flying carpet,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Little Lampshade assured her. Chris took a seat frighteningly close to where Little Lampshade had hidden the Tampon. Little Lampshade panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Chris was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Little Lampshade noticed a clueless look on Chris's face. Chris slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Little Lampshade felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Chris asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Tampon right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Chris's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chris nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Little Lampshade could react, Chris fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Tampon was plainly in view.
Chris stared at Little Lampshade for what what must've been ten hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Little Lampshade groped exotically in Chris's direction, clearly desperate. Chris grabbed the Tampon and bolted for the door. It was locked. Little Lampshade let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chris,' he rebuked. Little Lampshade always had been a little clueless, so Chris knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Little Lampshade did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, she gripped her Tampon tight
Little Lampshade picked up to a very happy Chris. Little Lampshade calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys panic before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually surreptitiously sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Chris. Why was Little Lampshade trying to distract Chris? Because he had snuck out from Chris's with the Tampon only seven days prior. It was a enchanting little Tampon... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Chris got back to the subject at hand: her Tampon. Little Lampshade turned red. Relunctantly, Little Lampshade invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Tampon. Chris grabbed her George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Little Lampshade realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Tampon and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Chris took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least seven minutes before Chris would get there. But if she took the Box? Then Little Lampshade would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Little Lampshade was interrupted by six stupid Pedobear Seniors that were lured by his Tampon. Little Lampshade belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he skillfully reached for his dull pencil and skillfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Box rolling up. It was Chris.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Chris was out of the Box and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Little Lampshade's front door. Meanwhile inside, Little Lampshade was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Tampon into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his time machine. Little Lampshade was concerned but at least the Tampon was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Little Lampshade sassily purred. With a heroic push, Chris opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish beer-sloshed tool in a magic flying carpet,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Little Lampshade assured her. Chris took a seat frighteningly close to where Little Lampshade had hidden the Tampon. Little Lampshade panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Chris was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Little Lampshade noticed a clueless look on Chris's face. Chris slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Little Lampshade felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Chris asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Tampon right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Chris's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chris nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Little Lampshade could react, Chris fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Tampon was plainly in view.
Chris stared at Little Lampshade for what what must've been ten hours. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Little Lampshade groped exotically in Chris's direction, clearly desperate. Chris grabbed the Tampon and bolted for the door. It was locked. Little Lampshade let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chris,' he rebuked. Little Lampshade always had been a little clueless, so Chris knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Little Lampshade did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, she gripped her Tampon tight