I am 14, and Vietnamese. English is not my first language so I know it MUST have some flaws. I'm open to any critique, good or bad. And most importantly, I'd love to hear your suggestions on improvement. Lots of thanks!
P/S Some of them should have been in italics -_- So if you find any sentence that doesn't fit with the rest, it's probably the thoughts of the narrator
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The clock let out a bloodcurdling scream as the long hand and the short hand conspired to unite at 12. The heavy stench of alcohol filled the room. From our hiding place, my friend and I peeked through the mist of cigarette smoke, our ears strained to listen through the purple wall, waiting for the final one to arrive.
“I hear footsteps,” I think my friend said.
“I know. Don’t worry, the fun will begin soon,” I think I said. My eyes swept across the room. A sea of black, red and white blended together in an enticing perfection. The guests were wearing pure white masks; some of them were mumbling, some taking a sip of their drinks, some panicking around and wondering where they were. Footsteps came closer and the last of the guest walked in with the same white mask gripping his face. The door was slammed closed. Locked.
“Now,” I think I said. My friend stepped out and hushed the crowd silenced. As he started to speak, a grim smile plastered across his face.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you may not know where this is, or why you are here, but none of that matters. You’re going to have fun. I assure you.” Lots of fun. I grinned, excited by the thought. “Enjoy the horror.” We chuckled in harmony as he retreated into our hiding place. The guests had gone back to what they had been doing before my friend introduced himself. As though nothing had happened.
The drugs in the beverages were working so well.
“Happy birthday, by the way,” I think I said.
“Thank you. You look gorgeous in that dress today,” I think he said. The dress I was wearing was the colors of raven black and bone white. I blushed and peered outside our hiding place, where the masquerade party was in full swing – graceful shades of black, red and white were drifting around the room like ballet dancers. Don’t forget the mask.
“Give me,” I think I said. My friend handed me one – the whitest of all – while his hand was clinging to another. We nodded and held the masks close to our face, shuddering at the coldness they radiated. I turned around. Breathed. Summoned all of my courage.
The mask sank in.
A rush of blood. A slight contortion of muscles. Then, there the mask was, clasping onto my facial features, strangely warm and protective like a cocoon. I glanced sideways; the pale mask had been fitted firmly on his face. We both had them now. The masks to hide ourselves from the feckless goodness of human nature. To seek solace. To avenge.
Pity for this black and white dress. My friend and I exchanged another nod of tacit agreement. This was the time.
“Let the fun begin,” I think he said.
(to be continued)
P/S Some of them should have been in italics -_- So if you find any sentence that doesn't fit with the rest, it's probably the thoughts of the narrator
.----
The clock let out a bloodcurdling scream as the long hand and the short hand conspired to unite at 12. The heavy stench of alcohol filled the room. From our hiding place, my friend and I peeked through the mist of cigarette smoke, our ears strained to listen through the purple wall, waiting for the final one to arrive.
“I hear footsteps,” I think my friend said.
“I know. Don’t worry, the fun will begin soon,” I think I said. My eyes swept across the room. A sea of black, red and white blended together in an enticing perfection. The guests were wearing pure white masks; some of them were mumbling, some taking a sip of their drinks, some panicking around and wondering where they were. Footsteps came closer and the last of the guest walked in with the same white mask gripping his face. The door was slammed closed. Locked.
“Now,” I think I said. My friend stepped out and hushed the crowd silenced. As he started to speak, a grim smile plastered across his face.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you may not know where this is, or why you are here, but none of that matters. You’re going to have fun. I assure you.” Lots of fun. I grinned, excited by the thought. “Enjoy the horror.” We chuckled in harmony as he retreated into our hiding place. The guests had gone back to what they had been doing before my friend introduced himself. As though nothing had happened.
The drugs in the beverages were working so well.
“Happy birthday, by the way,” I think I said.
“Thank you. You look gorgeous in that dress today,” I think he said. The dress I was wearing was the colors of raven black and bone white. I blushed and peered outside our hiding place, where the masquerade party was in full swing – graceful shades of black, red and white were drifting around the room like ballet dancers. Don’t forget the mask.
“Give me,” I think I said. My friend handed me one – the whitest of all – while his hand was clinging to another. We nodded and held the masks close to our face, shuddering at the coldness they radiated. I turned around. Breathed. Summoned all of my courage.
The mask sank in.
A rush of blood. A slight contortion of muscles. Then, there the mask was, clasping onto my facial features, strangely warm and protective like a cocoon. I glanced sideways; the pale mask had been fitted firmly on his face. We both had them now. The masks to hide ourselves from the feckless goodness of human nature. To seek solace. To avenge.
Pity for this black and white dress. My friend and I exchanged another nod of tacit agreement. This was the time.
“Let the fun begin,” I think he said.
(to be continued)