Do you like my poem? what do you think its about?

Y

yumiistrawberry

New member
no title so far.
i DONT plagerize. i would never do that!
this hallow ache
never seems to be filled
the silouttes
of two lovers
fill me with longing
if only
i was that blond girl
with red lips
kissing you softly

where did Vanessa go?
how did that brown eyed beauty
slip away
from your thoughts so easily
replaced
with goldilocks,the sweet angel.

that smile
plastered on
is a mask
disguising colours
that i need
to pour out from my soul


those lollipops
and cupcakes
didn't seem to convince you
but that sparkle
in your eyes
is like a star
twinkling in the sky
filling me
with a glimmer of hope
the only thing
keeping me
from throwing away the key.
i wrote this in about 10 minutes by the way so i def. have room for improvement!
 
I'm guessing it's about a boy that you like, but he likes another girl, am I wrong? It could definitely use some improvement. You're kinda all over the place, it sounds like you were trying to rhyme, but it just came out messy. Hard to follow.

The poem's okay, don't stop writing. I'm sure with a little re-writing it could sound great.
 
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