do you like my poem? tell me what u think?

  • Thread starter Thread starter eyesdeelove<3
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eyesdeelove<3

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so i had to write it in shakespeare's sonnet form so... here we go


Each tear falls like footsteps down a hall.
Each step bringing back a memory lost to Forever.
And with each sound growing softer, more of my tears do fall.

If only my tears could sail me back to when were together,
When our love was so large and sad ness so small.
If only if only… the song all tears do cry.

Your smile and eyes, they’re all I can recall.
Our grins once so bright with love, now must sigh
As glances once shared turn away with one fallen tear.
All because we chose to say goodbye.

Your footsteps moving farther fill my ears
And my eyes see that rain not only falls from the sky –

but wait… your footsteps are still there!
Could it bee you waiting? Or is it just me and the air?
 
Okay, let me pull out my red pen.

Your spacing's off-- it should be stanzas of four lines and then the last of two lines.

And Shakespeare's sonnets are in iambic pentameter, which means each line should consist of ten syllables in unstressed/stressed beats. Your lines are not all ten syllables.

Finally, "sadness" is one word, and "be" is the correct spelling of the word in the last line.

The content is okay, but the structure needs some editing. Hope this helps!
 
I think this is a very good poem. You do need to clean up typos. Look at it again and also have a friend critique it and you will find where they are. I think you will get a good grade.
 
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