Electro-Shock Blues
New member
I'm 17. I'm a female. Since I was 15, I've been having extreme mood swings, visual and auditory hallucinations (visual more than auditory), and tiny bits and pieces of paranoia.
Over the years, I've seen doctors upon doctors and doctors. I've gotten diagnosis after diagnosis after diagnosis (diagnosed and tested by these doctors). It seems like, since around September, I was getting better. I was finally getting over all of this emotional and mental drama, and thought that maybe I was just having rough teenage years, like everyone else my age, and now it's calming down. I eventually stopped seeing my psychiatrist and therapist in late November, 2010. No more meds, no more appointments, etc. And I was getting along great.
For the past three weeks, maybe a little less, I've noticed a rather severe turn in my mental state. I don't know what triggerd any of it, if anything at all.
But. In list formation, this is what has been going on:
-Every couple of days, mood will go from excessively energetic and happy, to depression/indifference and no energy at all, to extreme anger.
-The anger seems to have been getting worse. It has started becoming more obvious since maybe June, but it's now especially that it's clear that I've developed some anger issues. I've been very short and very tactless with people lately. Last week I trashed my room and put a dent in my wall. I don't even know why, to be honest. It's not like I "didn't get my way" or "a friend betrayed me" or anything at all, really. I just had this sudden urge to hurt, destroy, and damage. So I broke things and started scratching at my skin violently with a knife. There wasn't really any thought in my head that even told me that what I was doing was wrong and needed to stop until I collapsed. All I could focus on was getting rid of the anger.
-The energetic excitement generally involves me skipping rather than walking, or if I'm walking, I speed walk. I feel so energetic, that I start to panic and wonder if somehow I'll experience some sort of mental explosion if I don't use it all up. Talk faster, running, jumping, laughing excessively, people think I'm high (I'm not...ever...)
-I think depression could be described as the typical "symptoms", so to speak.
A lot of people at school have started to notice, and I don't think it's a good thing.
This past week, I've started to notice myself falling back into that state of mind where I start questioning other people's motives, I start wondering about paranormal things, and paired with this, I've been experiencing mild hallucinations. Mild as they may be, I still am scared sh!tless.
I've been through these mood cycles before. They TYPICALLY go away after a while....few weeks, generally no more than two months. I've thought about going back to see my psychiatrist at least, but thing is, my parents switched my insurance, so consequentially, my network of physicians have been changed around. I can no longer see my same psychiatrist or therapist, and starting up again would not only be frustrating to me, but to my parents as well. In fact, I'm almost wondering if my parents would flat out tell me, "No, you can't start again," simply because it would be so inconvenient, and because we just called quits in November.
Bringing these concerns up to them would be....just a big pain. They won't be too happy with me, I can tell you that much right now. Gaurenteed.
Any advice?
Over the years, I've seen doctors upon doctors and doctors. I've gotten diagnosis after diagnosis after diagnosis (diagnosed and tested by these doctors). It seems like, since around September, I was getting better. I was finally getting over all of this emotional and mental drama, and thought that maybe I was just having rough teenage years, like everyone else my age, and now it's calming down. I eventually stopped seeing my psychiatrist and therapist in late November, 2010. No more meds, no more appointments, etc. And I was getting along great.
For the past three weeks, maybe a little less, I've noticed a rather severe turn in my mental state. I don't know what triggerd any of it, if anything at all.
But. In list formation, this is what has been going on:
-Every couple of days, mood will go from excessively energetic and happy, to depression/indifference and no energy at all, to extreme anger.
-The anger seems to have been getting worse. It has started becoming more obvious since maybe June, but it's now especially that it's clear that I've developed some anger issues. I've been very short and very tactless with people lately. Last week I trashed my room and put a dent in my wall. I don't even know why, to be honest. It's not like I "didn't get my way" or "a friend betrayed me" or anything at all, really. I just had this sudden urge to hurt, destroy, and damage. So I broke things and started scratching at my skin violently with a knife. There wasn't really any thought in my head that even told me that what I was doing was wrong and needed to stop until I collapsed. All I could focus on was getting rid of the anger.
-The energetic excitement generally involves me skipping rather than walking, or if I'm walking, I speed walk. I feel so energetic, that I start to panic and wonder if somehow I'll experience some sort of mental explosion if I don't use it all up. Talk faster, running, jumping, laughing excessively, people think I'm high (I'm not...ever...)
-I think depression could be described as the typical "symptoms", so to speak.
A lot of people at school have started to notice, and I don't think it's a good thing.
This past week, I've started to notice myself falling back into that state of mind where I start questioning other people's motives, I start wondering about paranormal things, and paired with this, I've been experiencing mild hallucinations. Mild as they may be, I still am scared sh!tless.
I've been through these mood cycles before. They TYPICALLY go away after a while....few weeks, generally no more than two months. I've thought about going back to see my psychiatrist at least, but thing is, my parents switched my insurance, so consequentially, my network of physicians have been changed around. I can no longer see my same psychiatrist or therapist, and starting up again would not only be frustrating to me, but to my parents as well. In fact, I'm almost wondering if my parents would flat out tell me, "No, you can't start again," simply because it would be so inconvenient, and because we just called quits in November.
Bringing these concerns up to them would be....just a big pain. They won't be too happy with me, I can tell you that much right now. Gaurenteed.
Any advice?