MortalGuardian
New member
I am trying to make some drastic improvements in my life. I am seeing a therapist, taking meds, attending college, and working part time. I happen to have obsessive compulsive disorder, as well. I don't want to rely on the OCD as a crutch or an excuse for failure or indolence, but I have often done that very thing in the past. I stay within this comfort zone, sometimes using the OCD as an excuse for not being more active, successful, and prosperous in life. I don't want to make excuses anymore. Right now, my wife and I live in her grandmother's home, Yes, we pay a nominal amount of rent, but we need to be more independent. I don't want the OCD to remain a large part of my own identity anymore.
I am married to a good woman who is also struggling right now. She has bipolar disorder. She's taking about five or six different medications. She struggles with depression. Her depression is more severe than mine. We're both in our mid 30's. My wife also has had trouble maintaining employment for extended periods of time. We are both overweight, which also contributes to the problems. I love my wife very much. That being stated, I feel like I am pulling too much weight right now. How is that? My therapist seems to have a lot of faith in me that I can do not only all the things I am currently doing, but much more. I want to get this college degree so that I may teach one day, and stop receiving SSDI. I still have about two years left to go. The stress is affecting me. I not only have to contend with school, with work, and with marital problems. I am also dealing with a lot of chores and domestic tasks at home, like washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, doing bills, doing errands, doing all of the driving, grocery shopping, etc. I keep explaining to my wife that I need help from her, but she just says that she will try to do more. As I said, I love my wife very much, but I feel like the balance is unfair. I feel like I am having to be responsible for the both of us, and I need her help to do some of the work and chores around here. I have compassion for her plight. She has been suicidal recently, and I acknowledge that there are intimacy issues that must be addressed. We aren't having romance or sexual contact right now, and that must change. I think that both parties are contributing to this dilemma. My wife smokes cigarettes, and the smell bothers me. She bathes perhaps once per week. I shower every day. It's not any one parties fault that things are this way, it's a combination of factors. But I really feel oppressed and burdened, and I need more help from my wife and from other people.
Am I just complaining and whining? Do I have an immutable victim mentality? Or are my observations and concerns actually legitimate? What can I do to help alleviate all this stress on me? How can I assertively and compassionately deal with my wife, and have her do more to help me? Any advice or opinions are quite welcome. Thanks.
I am married to a good woman who is also struggling right now. She has bipolar disorder. She's taking about five or six different medications. She struggles with depression. Her depression is more severe than mine. We're both in our mid 30's. My wife also has had trouble maintaining employment for extended periods of time. We are both overweight, which also contributes to the problems. I love my wife very much. That being stated, I feel like I am pulling too much weight right now. How is that? My therapist seems to have a lot of faith in me that I can do not only all the things I am currently doing, but much more. I want to get this college degree so that I may teach one day, and stop receiving SSDI. I still have about two years left to go. The stress is affecting me. I not only have to contend with school, with work, and with marital problems. I am also dealing with a lot of chores and domestic tasks at home, like washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, doing bills, doing errands, doing all of the driving, grocery shopping, etc. I keep explaining to my wife that I need help from her, but she just says that she will try to do more. As I said, I love my wife very much, but I feel like the balance is unfair. I feel like I am having to be responsible for the both of us, and I need her help to do some of the work and chores around here. I have compassion for her plight. She has been suicidal recently, and I acknowledge that there are intimacy issues that must be addressed. We aren't having romance or sexual contact right now, and that must change. I think that both parties are contributing to this dilemma. My wife smokes cigarettes, and the smell bothers me. She bathes perhaps once per week. I shower every day. It's not any one parties fault that things are this way, it's a combination of factors. But I really feel oppressed and burdened, and I need more help from my wife and from other people.
Am I just complaining and whining? Do I have an immutable victim mentality? Or are my observations and concerns actually legitimate? What can I do to help alleviate all this stress on me? How can I assertively and compassionately deal with my wife, and have her do more to help me? Any advice or opinions are quite welcome. Thanks.