Michael Brown
New member
I am 17 years old. I started smoking weed and drinking when i was 12. The drugs i have done are saliva, Ritalin, DXM, LSD, MDMA, and shrooms. Ive done saliva and Ritalin when i was 14 but didn't start doing DXM, LSD, MDMA and shrooms until i was 16. Ive been smoking weed everyday since i was 13 and usually drinking on the weekends. The last year of my life i have begun to notice that i am messed up in the head. I have been doing ocd rituals ever since i was 13 years old. It started off as repeatably knocking on wood in patterns of 4, to save my family members from dying. It has then progressed to repeatably peeing before bed so i wont pee the bed even tho i know i will wake up if i have to pee. My ocd is constantly changing to a new thing with a new favorite repetition number as my life goes on. I know lock doors, checking them in patterns of 12 and i take 4 sips from a glass each time i drink. I usually find my ocd bad before bed and i avoid getting ready for bed. I find if im really tired from being stoned all day or if im drunk i have no ocd smyptoms. I have tried taking 5-htp pills to increase my serotonin levels but i still had ocd so i stopped taking them. ocd doesn't take more then a half hour a day of my time but it is really frustrating. I have also begun to notice that ever since i done psychedelic drugs my mind has been fucked. I think it might be psychosis. I believe in random thoughts and ideas in my head that are not proven to be true. I feel like my thoughts are speed up and i have no thought filter to filter my thoughts. I also see random patterns, colors or shadows on walls or anything really that are not actually there. I feel like i have a different perception of reality then everyone else. I feel like people and the government are out to get me, like people talking behind my back and the government putting chemicals in my food to harm me. In social situations i feel like everyone is looking at me even though no one is. I feel like i can see the air in between my eyes and a object. If i close my eyes i can see lots of hallucinations at any time of day. An example of a delusion i have is looking into a mirror and staring at your reflection of your self in your pupil. I feel like this reflection goes on forever and that there is millions of people inside of me. I feel like it is possible to enter my pupil into another world and come face to face with my ego. Another example of a delusion i have is driving in my car and passing objects on the side of the road that time with the music perfectly. It makes me feel like the universe is connected as one. What confuses me is that no one can prove me wrong. I also feel depressed. I hate waking up having to do things like school and work that you don't want to do. I am tired all the time and all i want to do is sleep. I have had suicidal thoughts but i have never had a plan how to kill my self. I feel like i want to escape this world and go on to eternal life. But i gotta waitt ittt outtttt. I am good at hiding all this. only one person knows about this in my life. It doesn't effect my every day life that much like no one knows. I have friends but not a lot of friends or anything.
Do you think i have ocd and psychotic depression?
What do you think i should do?
I dont want to go to a doctor and get put on meds tho.
Should i educate myself and overpower my mental illness so i know whats going on when it happens?
Do you think i have ocd and psychotic depression?
What do you think i should do?
I dont want to go to a doctor and get put on meds tho.
Should i educate myself and overpower my mental illness so i know whats going on when it happens?