Divorce and Preschool Children
Author: Cassie Price
D. Esquivel
CAS 301: Divorce
As a practicing preschool teacher and a child development major I will always be around young children. As I observe their daily lives I see that so many of them are from parents who are divorced. Which raises the question that I ask, “ Are children effected by divorce at the preschool age, and if so how?” My hypothesis is that the answer to the question is true. I believe that children are indeed effected by their parent’s divorce and they behave in certain ways as a result. As I explored my topic I found some interesting information as well as some helpful children’s literature that helps to answer my question. Please read on and allow me to show you what I mean.
The age of the child during the time that marital separation occurs is important, and in fact children of different ages are effected differently by divorce. According to Dr. Hodges and Dr. Bloom (1984), who are Psychology professors, “ the effect of age of the child on the response to the divorce of parents can be examined in three general age groups: preschool, latency (or elementary age) and adolescence”. Each of these age groups showed to respond differently. The preschool age children respond to marital separation with regression, anger, tantrums, aggression and anxiety. The Latency age group shows less impact although some symptoms are common such as anxiety and depression. Finally, the adolescence age showed symptoms such as trouble with the law, drugs, sexual acting out and running away. (Hodges and Bloom, 1984)
Because my interest is in the early years of child development I focused mainly on the preschool age children. Hodges and Bloom define this preschool focus as the age period to be between 18 months and 6 years. (1984) Out of these three-age perioRAB the psychoanalytic theory has suggested that the preschool period is particularly the most sensitive time for divorce. Graham Blaine, author of Are Parents Bad For Children, said, “the younger the child the more adverse the impact of divorce”. Right now I am working at a pre-school and there is a child that is five years of age who is in my class. Just recently her parents got a divorce and she has been very effected by it. In talking to the parents of this child I have learned that even at home she seems to show signs of depression far worse than her older brother who is fourteen. Now that we have been told that divorce at the pre-school age is very crucial we can take a look at some of the critical implications and responses to them.
Identifying the underlying process which influence children’s post-divorce adjustment is most often facilitated by studies. A study shown by Aronld L. Stolberg, Ph.D. (1987), suggests that familial and environmental factors are major determinants of the preschool child’s adjustment. The study looked at groups of young children of divorce and their mothers and children from intact marriages. Tests were given on the Children’s Recent Life Questionnaire and the Life Experiences Survey the scores from these showed the two major determinants. The purpose of this study was to specifically examine the relative importance of individual, familial/parental and environmental variables in influencing preschool children’s post-divorce adjustment.
The familial variables include pre-divorce marital hostility, parenting skills, the custodial parent’s adjustment to the divorce and the availability of non-custodial parent to the child. As said by Florence Bienenfeld, Ph.D. (1987), “If children are to succeed after divorce, they must be protected from parental conflict and allowed to enjoy close relationships with both parents”. Marriage hostility and parent’s psychological adjustment has been said to have immediate and long-term effects on the adjustment of children from divorce.
Along with the changes in characteristics of the parent-child relationship these stressful life events have been associated with adjustment problems in the child. Some of these stressful life events are variables of environmental changes. Some of the variables include moving to a new neigrabroadorhood or school where social skills are required to meet new frienRAB. (Blaine, 1973) This can be especially difficult for the preschool child because they are still at the age where they are more involved with the parental relationships and less involved with peers. Even the smallest external stresses can further burden young children who are already frustrated by the separation of marriage. For instance I just enrolled a new child in my class, she was brought to my school as a result of a divorce situation. She has wet her pants every day since she has been here and her mom says that she has never done that before. I had to explain to the mother that her new life transitions of a new house and a new school could be the cause of this problem.
As well as wetting of the pants the burdening of these stresses can result in emotional feelings of sadness, fear of abandonment, guilt, anger, and denial. Anger, according to Richard Gardner, M.D. (1977), is said to be the most common feeling form the young child. . Since the preschool child often times can be too young to verbalize their anger they express themselves through aggressive behaviors. Some examples of physical aggression, given by Gardner, are fighting with peers or siblings, yelling or screaming, crying, tantrums, or ignoring others. (1977)
So, we can see that in some aspects the break up of a marriage can be just as devastating for children as it can for the adults. Young preschool children most often do not understand the reasons for divorce or how to handle divorce, so parents and other adults must intervene and help these confused children. No matter what has gone on between the parents, children have a strong need to look up to both of them and maintain a good relationship with each of them. But, parents aren’t the only source a child of divorce can go to for support, often times a schoolteacher can be very comforting in this difficult time. This is why it is important for both of the child’s resources (parent and teacher) to be prepared to deal with the child’s reactions.
One of the many ways to help a child through a divorce situation or separation anxiety is with stories and literature about the topic of divorce. Many children often feel like they are the only people going through this difficult time. By telling stories of other individuals with similar situations the child can be relieved of the feeling of isolation and the stories can possibly open up a doorway to discussion. There are always children’s storybooks to coincide with real life situations in a child’s world. I have found two that could be useful in this discussion of preschool children and divorce.
The first, is a book entitled “Mom and Dad don’t line together anymore”, written by Kathy Stinson (1984). This is a great book for the child who is confused about why they go to different houses to visit with their mom or dad. The author does a wonderful job at expressing the joy that a child can get from both parents even if they are not together anymore. The little girl in the story says, “I like it at mommy’s apartment. I like it at daddy’s too". ( Stinson, 1984) This quote explains the fun and love that comes from both parents. As mentioned before by Hodges and Bloom (1984), a common feeling for young children to have as a result of a divorce is abandonment.
As the story in Stinson’s book continues to express all of the fun that can be had with both parents, it also refers to the feeling of reconciliation. This is another common feeling that these young children may have. “If I have a wisrabroadone I would wish for us to all live together again”(Stinson, 1984). Looking at this quote you can see that Stinson is clearly trying to bring in this feeling of reconciliation, and to ease in the truth she follows it with, “Mommy and daddy say that will never happen”, (1984). Talking to the child about reconciliation and divorce should be done in an honest manner to clear up any impossible wishes that they may have. (Gardner, 1977)
Second, I took a look at a book entitles, “Divorce it can happen to the nicest people”, written by Peter Mayle (1979). As I just mentioned in the last paragraph talking to the children about the divorce is a very important aspect to a break up. However, this is not always and easy thing to do. This is where this wonderful book comes in. I would suggest this book to any parent that may be having problems explaining divorce to their children. Mayle (1979) does a nice job of putting several possible situations into worRAB that are age appropriate for a young child to understand.
This book starts off by explaining why two people get married in the first place. Then it goes on to explain the entire process of divorce and several situations that may occur. Mayle (1979) uses very easy and sympathetic language that makes the entire concept a little easier for the children to take interest in and to understand. I believe that once a child can kind of understand the reason behind marriage in the first place than it may make the divorce processes a bit more logical. One other aspect that Mayle expresses so gently is his suggestions to the children of how they can cope with this new way of life. For instance he has on section that talks about the good news of divorce and making new frienRAB.
As we can see children of the preschool age are very emotionally sensitive. If you through a huge change such as divorce into their lives it could cause a lot of disruption. From writing this paper I have found that parents need to love their children more than ever during this crisis period. As far as teachers are concerned I fell that it is their role to help the child to have the most stable environment that is possible. Aside from these methoRAB both the parent and educator can pull out a good situational book and read to the child. Most likely this will encourage a discussion that will help the child to vent any feeling. This topic of divorce is a serious one and these are the children of our future that we are talking about. It is never too late to lend a comforting hand and that is exactly what I plan to do!
References
Bienenfrld, F, Ph.D. (1987). Helping your child succeed after divorce. Claremont: Hunter House Inc.
Blaine, G.B. (1973). Are parents bad for children. Toronto, Canada: Longman Canada Limited.
Hodges, W., Bloom, B. (1984). Parent’s report of children’s adjustment to marital Separation a longitudinal study. Journal of Divorce, 8, 33-49.
Gardner. R.A. (1977). The parents book about divorce. Garden City, New York: Doubleday & Company.
Mayle, P. (1979). Divorce can happen to the nicest people. New York: Macmillan Publishing Co.
Stinson, K. (1984). Mommy and daddy don’t live together anymore. Toronto, Canada: Annick Press Ltd.
Stolberg, A., Camplair, C., Currier, K., Wells, M. (1987). Individual, Familial, and Environmental determinants of children’s post-divorce adjustment and Maladjustment. Journal of Divorce, 11, 51-69.
Author: Cassie Price
D. Esquivel
CAS 301: Divorce
As a practicing preschool teacher and a child development major I will always be around young children. As I observe their daily lives I see that so many of them are from parents who are divorced. Which raises the question that I ask, “ Are children effected by divorce at the preschool age, and if so how?” My hypothesis is that the answer to the question is true. I believe that children are indeed effected by their parent’s divorce and they behave in certain ways as a result. As I explored my topic I found some interesting information as well as some helpful children’s literature that helps to answer my question. Please read on and allow me to show you what I mean.
The age of the child during the time that marital separation occurs is important, and in fact children of different ages are effected differently by divorce. According to Dr. Hodges and Dr. Bloom (1984), who are Psychology professors, “ the effect of age of the child on the response to the divorce of parents can be examined in three general age groups: preschool, latency (or elementary age) and adolescence”. Each of these age groups showed to respond differently. The preschool age children respond to marital separation with regression, anger, tantrums, aggression and anxiety. The Latency age group shows less impact although some symptoms are common such as anxiety and depression. Finally, the adolescence age showed symptoms such as trouble with the law, drugs, sexual acting out and running away. (Hodges and Bloom, 1984)
Because my interest is in the early years of child development I focused mainly on the preschool age children. Hodges and Bloom define this preschool focus as the age period to be between 18 months and 6 years. (1984) Out of these three-age perioRAB the psychoanalytic theory has suggested that the preschool period is particularly the most sensitive time for divorce. Graham Blaine, author of Are Parents Bad For Children, said, “the younger the child the more adverse the impact of divorce”. Right now I am working at a pre-school and there is a child that is five years of age who is in my class. Just recently her parents got a divorce and she has been very effected by it. In talking to the parents of this child I have learned that even at home she seems to show signs of depression far worse than her older brother who is fourteen. Now that we have been told that divorce at the pre-school age is very crucial we can take a look at some of the critical implications and responses to them.
Identifying the underlying process which influence children’s post-divorce adjustment is most often facilitated by studies. A study shown by Aronld L. Stolberg, Ph.D. (1987), suggests that familial and environmental factors are major determinants of the preschool child’s adjustment. The study looked at groups of young children of divorce and their mothers and children from intact marriages. Tests were given on the Children’s Recent Life Questionnaire and the Life Experiences Survey the scores from these showed the two major determinants. The purpose of this study was to specifically examine the relative importance of individual, familial/parental and environmental variables in influencing preschool children’s post-divorce adjustment.
The familial variables include pre-divorce marital hostility, parenting skills, the custodial parent’s adjustment to the divorce and the availability of non-custodial parent to the child. As said by Florence Bienenfeld, Ph.D. (1987), “If children are to succeed after divorce, they must be protected from parental conflict and allowed to enjoy close relationships with both parents”. Marriage hostility and parent’s psychological adjustment has been said to have immediate and long-term effects on the adjustment of children from divorce.
Along with the changes in characteristics of the parent-child relationship these stressful life events have been associated with adjustment problems in the child. Some of these stressful life events are variables of environmental changes. Some of the variables include moving to a new neigrabroadorhood or school where social skills are required to meet new frienRAB. (Blaine, 1973) This can be especially difficult for the preschool child because they are still at the age where they are more involved with the parental relationships and less involved with peers. Even the smallest external stresses can further burden young children who are already frustrated by the separation of marriage. For instance I just enrolled a new child in my class, she was brought to my school as a result of a divorce situation. She has wet her pants every day since she has been here and her mom says that she has never done that before. I had to explain to the mother that her new life transitions of a new house and a new school could be the cause of this problem.
As well as wetting of the pants the burdening of these stresses can result in emotional feelings of sadness, fear of abandonment, guilt, anger, and denial. Anger, according to Richard Gardner, M.D. (1977), is said to be the most common feeling form the young child. . Since the preschool child often times can be too young to verbalize their anger they express themselves through aggressive behaviors. Some examples of physical aggression, given by Gardner, are fighting with peers or siblings, yelling or screaming, crying, tantrums, or ignoring others. (1977)
So, we can see that in some aspects the break up of a marriage can be just as devastating for children as it can for the adults. Young preschool children most often do not understand the reasons for divorce or how to handle divorce, so parents and other adults must intervene and help these confused children. No matter what has gone on between the parents, children have a strong need to look up to both of them and maintain a good relationship with each of them. But, parents aren’t the only source a child of divorce can go to for support, often times a schoolteacher can be very comforting in this difficult time. This is why it is important for both of the child’s resources (parent and teacher) to be prepared to deal with the child’s reactions.
One of the many ways to help a child through a divorce situation or separation anxiety is with stories and literature about the topic of divorce. Many children often feel like they are the only people going through this difficult time. By telling stories of other individuals with similar situations the child can be relieved of the feeling of isolation and the stories can possibly open up a doorway to discussion. There are always children’s storybooks to coincide with real life situations in a child’s world. I have found two that could be useful in this discussion of preschool children and divorce.
The first, is a book entitled “Mom and Dad don’t line together anymore”, written by Kathy Stinson (1984). This is a great book for the child who is confused about why they go to different houses to visit with their mom or dad. The author does a wonderful job at expressing the joy that a child can get from both parents even if they are not together anymore. The little girl in the story says, “I like it at mommy’s apartment. I like it at daddy’s too". ( Stinson, 1984) This quote explains the fun and love that comes from both parents. As mentioned before by Hodges and Bloom (1984), a common feeling for young children to have as a result of a divorce is abandonment.
As the story in Stinson’s book continues to express all of the fun that can be had with both parents, it also refers to the feeling of reconciliation. This is another common feeling that these young children may have. “If I have a wisrabroadone I would wish for us to all live together again”(Stinson, 1984). Looking at this quote you can see that Stinson is clearly trying to bring in this feeling of reconciliation, and to ease in the truth she follows it with, “Mommy and daddy say that will never happen”, (1984). Talking to the child about reconciliation and divorce should be done in an honest manner to clear up any impossible wishes that they may have. (Gardner, 1977)
Second, I took a look at a book entitles, “Divorce it can happen to the nicest people”, written by Peter Mayle (1979). As I just mentioned in the last paragraph talking to the children about the divorce is a very important aspect to a break up. However, this is not always and easy thing to do. This is where this wonderful book comes in. I would suggest this book to any parent that may be having problems explaining divorce to their children. Mayle (1979) does a nice job of putting several possible situations into worRAB that are age appropriate for a young child to understand.
This book starts off by explaining why two people get married in the first place. Then it goes on to explain the entire process of divorce and several situations that may occur. Mayle (1979) uses very easy and sympathetic language that makes the entire concept a little easier for the children to take interest in and to understand. I believe that once a child can kind of understand the reason behind marriage in the first place than it may make the divorce processes a bit more logical. One other aspect that Mayle expresses so gently is his suggestions to the children of how they can cope with this new way of life. For instance he has on section that talks about the good news of divorce and making new frienRAB.
As we can see children of the preschool age are very emotionally sensitive. If you through a huge change such as divorce into their lives it could cause a lot of disruption. From writing this paper I have found that parents need to love their children more than ever during this crisis period. As far as teachers are concerned I fell that it is their role to help the child to have the most stable environment that is possible. Aside from these methoRAB both the parent and educator can pull out a good situational book and read to the child. Most likely this will encourage a discussion that will help the child to vent any feeling. This topic of divorce is a serious one and these are the children of our future that we are talking about. It is never too late to lend a comforting hand and that is exactly what I plan to do!
References
Bienenfrld, F, Ph.D. (1987). Helping your child succeed after divorce. Claremont: Hunter House Inc.
Blaine, G.B. (1973). Are parents bad for children. Toronto, Canada: Longman Canada Limited.
Hodges, W., Bloom, B. (1984). Parent’s report of children’s adjustment to marital Separation a longitudinal study. Journal of Divorce, 8, 33-49.
Gardner. R.A. (1977). The parents book about divorce. Garden City, New York: Doubleday & Company.
Mayle, P. (1979). Divorce can happen to the nicest people. New York: Macmillan Publishing Co.
Stinson, K. (1984). Mommy and daddy don’t live together anymore. Toronto, Canada: Annick Press Ltd.
Stolberg, A., Camplair, C., Currier, K., Wells, M. (1987). Individual, Familial, and Environmental determinants of children’s post-divorce adjustment and Maladjustment. Journal of Divorce, 11, 51-69.