Divide Equally

A

acidraver.

New member
Salty puddles muddle the cerebrum
A peaceful miasma
The heretic acknowledges love

One hand grasps at ice with sweaty palms
Trying to congeal
Its conception maims reality

The other hand outstretching to his lover
It collides with a mirror
Only to dissect him from existence
 
Dude, the last part really does it for me. I really like the last line. You need to explain to me exactly what this means..half the time you write stuff when you're drunk and it means nothing haha but i hope this means something awesome.
 
This actually does have a meaning. I wasn't drinking when I wrote it. It's about some decisions I may or may not make.

Nice to see you found the forum, lol.
 
I like this a lot. My only problem is "Intrinsic fulmination." Intrinsic is a very odd adjective for fulmination here. Good stuff, though.
 
yeah that's like 1000x better. One other thing is maybe some punctuation just to help control the flow. I like poems without any punctuation, not sure if it works with this one. Really good poem though.
 
I really like this. That last stanza is golden. Your imagery is nice, and not too complicated that people won't get it when they stop to think. Nice use of diction as well, compliments the theme of the poem nicely. After reading it a few times, I can see how it would describe decision making.
 
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