Discussing Problems with Boyfriend?

[QOS]

I have some pretty intense psychological problems. I'm bipolar, I have an eating disorder, I self-harm, and, despite getting myself into treatment, I haven't gotten any better, it's possible I've gotten worse. When I first met my boyfriend, we were very open about our pasts and our problems. I told him these things, and he was unphased. He has dealt with depression, and understands what it's like to deal and to be in and out of therapy, etc.

He was very good with me initially. He would listen to me, talk to me, make me feel comfortable. A few months ago (we had been dating for about nine months at that point) I had the first real mental breakdown I've had in front of him (in front of anyone), and he's been completely different ever since. He seems annoyed, ignores me when I try to talk to him. He tells me that he'd rather be with me when I'm upset than me being alone, but often times he'll just turn over in bed and go to sleep, or say "what's the matter now?"

I understand that it takes a lot out of him and that it gets monotonous. I understand that it's a lot for someone on the outside to deal with (I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I were in his position; how horrible and helpless I would feel), but I need someone to talk to. 90% of the terrible things I do wouldn't happen if I felt comfortable just saying "I'm freaking out, give me a call". But I feel like I'm bothering him. I know I need him too much, emotionally, but he's the only person I've ever felt comfortable opening up to about this stuff. I'm afraid that I'm going to push him away despite the fact that he says he's not going anywhere.

Any advice for how to help him help me, how to discuss my problems without overwhelming him?
Edit after some good advice:
The hard part is that when he sees that I've hurt myself, or something, he says "why didn't you tell me? why didn't you talk to me?" Often I try to keep it from him because I know what he's going to say or do.
I wouldn't say that there's distance between us, just in this respect. Maybe I should just keep trying to find a good therapist to talk to?

 

[mike823]

wow this is a complicated one.

well honestly you should be comfortable with each other (9 months...?)

but i really think you need to work out your problems. hes not your solution to everything else you deal with. you need to know that you need to fix your problems and it has nothing to do with him. like yeah you can talk to him, but you cant just vent to someone with every little detail of your life. because they probably arent that big of a deal to anyone else.

so i think you need to fix your problems you talked about first.

hope i ddint affend u by this. good luck.

 

[Juwon Cha]

Your boyfriend should be your outlet, a sounding board, what ever the hell you want to call it. He should not be ignoring you, and if he does love you, he should not be ignoring your problems. However, this does not immediately victimize him of being a horrible boyfriend. From your explanation, he was a great boyfriend, and he is probably worried and really cares about you.Try to give his some space and time, if he really loves you, he will come around. Meanwhile try to find someone else to talk to because being dependent on one person may debilitate you for life. If you want you could even to talk to me (I do this with many people, I wouldn't call myself professional but I am experienced).