Denon,
I am proud of you for going through what you are going through right now. I know, just like everyone else here knows, what a lonely feeling it is to go through withdrawl. Whether it was the times I went through withdrawl by choice to try and quit my drug of choice, or the times I went through withdrawl waiting for a phone call to come with my drug of choice, the bottom line is it is a terrible feeling that cannot be competly described to "an outsider". There is one positive aspect to these terrible feelings, both physicaly and emotionally, that withdrawl or in your case tapering can end up helping us in our recovery. I am sure that at this point you are thinking about how great the pills make you feel and how everything would be fine if you could just take enough pills to get you high, and in this regard those thoughts will never completely go away. Years from now after you have kicked the habit, you will always have those thoughts come into your head from time to time and hopefully your memory of withdrawl and all of the the symptoms that withdrawl entails will keep you from going back.
The one thing that is my anchor in recovery is remerabering all of those lonely nights and the depression and physical pain that I had to deal with waiting for my best friend opiates to bail me out. I know that now I no longer have to deal with those terrible feelings and I no longer have to feel like I am on an island alone with no where else to go but down. So right now try and remeraber how you feel and how awful it is and tell yourself that these are feelings that you never want to experience again. And remeraber these thoughts months from now or even years from now when you are getting those cravings to go back, and your brain is telling you that you have changed and you can handle just taking a few pills, know that you cannot handle jsut taking a few pills, know that even taking one pill will start a chain of events that will bring you right back to that lonely island. Remeraber all of the positive things that have happened to you since you cleaned up, and remeraber all of the stress it took to live that life at the behest of a pill.
I wish you the best of luck in your recovery, and if even one thing that i just wrote can help you in any way, shape or form either now or in the future than that is a positive thing. One thing that is often overlooked in society because of the stigma of drug addiction, is that recovering addicts are very strong people and posses will power that others couldnt even imagine. What i try to explain to people who feel that all addicts are just weak junkies is to think of themselves and picture having to stop eating completely, granted it is different because humans need food to survive, but i think it is a meaningful comparision. Now for those to people to think of what strenght and will power it would take to deprive themsleves of something that their body is beggin for, well this is no different than the strength and will power it takes an addict to kick their addiction, because in the strong grasp of addiction, the human body depenRAB on this drug in the same way that it depenRAB on food to survive. Sorry to go on and on about this but sometimes when i start writing it just keeps coming out. Again, good luck to you.
