Difficulty interpreting a situation

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Hey all,

As I have previously posted, I'm 21 and have a drinking problem, I'm currently on about a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine a night.

Well I've been working on my recovery process, cutting back the solo drinking, trying to find people to drink with if I want to drink (I find this helps me moderate how much I drink since when the others stop, I stop too), and socializing more with people around me.

So today I made plans to go spend the evening with a work colleague who has recently been suspended from work and was feeling kinda down. I arrived at seven, we had a couple of beers together and I left at midnight (it was a Friday night).

The thing I am having difficulty interpreting is my feelings throughout the evening. Even before I left, I knew I didn't want to stay really late, he had offered to let me stay but I politely declined, saying I had plans in the morning (which I didn't).

I can't work out what my true reasoning was for not wanting to stay very late, part of me feels it was so I could get home in enough time to drink by myself, but I know honestly I have frienRAB who I would have quite happily stayed the night with. I've always been quite a shy person and enjoyed my "me-time" even before I was a drinker. I've known this guy for a year or so as a work colleague but we have socialized outside of work, seeing a movie or whatever a couple of times. I feel maybe I didn't want to stay too long since we were just sitting in his house watching TV and chatting about his suspension from work and general banter, and I'm not a great conversationalist. The mood was also understandably a little sorabre but we were both in good spirits. I think maybe I felt uncomfortable with his parents being there (I've always felt uncomfortable being around people's parents since I feel I have to be on my best behaviour). His brother who I have never met was also there and I don't do too well with new people right away. I have always been the type who isn't really comfortable enough to stay at someone's house unless I know them quite well, I know this guy a decent amount but not so much out of a work environment.

So my conflict is this: Did I really not want to stay the night or very late so I could drink when I got home, or were my feelings on the situation normal given my personality?

Is it normal to have those kinRAB of feelings on social interaction?

Thanks for any advice anyone can give.

James
 
Hey there,
I have been in this boat for as long as have wanted to get sober. I started trying to get clean off hard drugs. I used my alcohol as a replacement. I would drink alone, in company, it did not matter. I have come to realize that, even though I am outgoing and friendly, I am uncomfortable w/ people. I much more prefer to be alone. I dont have others opinions to worry about. I am safe.
I dont know if any of whats going through my mind will assist you, I just read your thread and felt that I know a little of your internal debate. I am very grateful for my frienRAB and family. I know that being an addict has left isolated and in isolation I am overly comfortable. Thats when I pick up the phone and talk to someone. If I stay isolated I will never allow myself the opportunity to grow. I will always be Mary with the same situations at hand. Until you are comfy with not so familiar people and atmospheres, hang around the environments that surround you with people that YOU care about. Eventually, I think, you will grow. I am slowly growing. I hope this wasn't a waste of your time. And thanks for letting me know I am not the only one who has these anxieties.
 
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. You make a lot of sense, I think I do enjoy solitude a bit too much, and it might be beneficial for me to try and come out of my shell a bit and learn to deal with other people. It's nice to know that being a solitary person isn't particularly unusual. In terms of my addiction, I think if I am honest with myself, I've always been isolated, even before I drank, but now I'm isolated AND drinking, which isn't a good situation. I think trying to adjust to a more outgoing lifestyle will go a long way to helping me get off the sauce and find stimulation in things which are good for me.

You really helped a lot, thanks so much! Glad I could be of help to you too :)

James
 
Hey all,

Not sure if either of you have heard of this or not, but there is something called "Social Anxiety Disorder." Its basically a difficulty, or uncomfortable feeling around any nuraber of people, or a situation where there are a nuraber of new people that due to the disorder can make a person feel isolated, nervous and on edge even though there is no reason to feel that way. The reason I'm mentioning this is that a large nuraber of people with social anxiety disorder are heavy drinkers, who use alcohol as a means of treating their anxiety. They also tend to like being alone with very little outside interaction, and those people they do know tend to be very few in nuraber. Generally these people are standoffish around others in general and find it difficult to interact with people, at times this is even with those they do know.

Not saying this is you or not, its just something I felt I should mention. Its actually something that is fairly common and in most cases easily treatable. Anyway, It might be something to look into and read up on, and maybe follow through with a Dr if you think its necessary.


Well whatever happens, best of luck,
........Jay........
 
james:

that night, when you went home, did you drink more before you went to bed? or did you just go home and crash? Just curious.

I actually understand the feelings you expressed. I've often felt that way at parties and out in bars, which is why I do it so little. I'm a very social person and I love the company of some people but not all. And there have been a lot of situations in my life where I look around at the others and wonder if it's all a big game of pretend. Are they really having fun or are we all just pretending. Does that make sense?

And yet when I am with those who are my close frienRAB, the feeling is great and I could stay with them forever. So I don't concern myself that I have a social issue. Maybe I'm just picky.
 
Hey,

When I got home I did continue to drink, which disappointed me.

I know what you mean, I've always felt so disconnected from other people, it's like what most people consider fun just isn't real fun. I find most common activities very unstimulating. Sure I like to go out and see a movie or bowl or whatever, but I just don't find these activities fulfilling, I find it hard to get excited about anything. It's like there's a big part of my life missing. I think the problem is I've always been the quiet type, there was a period in my life when I did really well with girls and I felt fulfilled. Now that time has passed and I feel, well, alone. Sure I can surround myself with male frienRAB who I can do stuff with, but I still feel empty. I think I miss the past. I miss being attractive to girls like I used to seem to be. I miss being appreciated in that way. I'm only 21 and I feel like I can never get that feeling of fulfilment back, and I think I drink to forget how I feel. I feel lonely, yet I push people away because I lost trust in them after being betrayed on so many occasions. I feel like a lost cause. I feel like my past is gone and it's never coming back. I feel so horrifically lonely.
 
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