Did I make the right decision? Grieving and feeling guilty about euthanizing my best...

[Darcelle]

...buddy? My heart is really hurting right now because of the recent euthanization of my 4yr/8 month old mini schnauzer 2 days ago. such a happy boy and a big snuggler but, from a year old, I always knew he was different and not as normal as other dogs throughout my life. My mom got him for me because my other schnauzer was 12 yr old and mom did not know how much time I would have left with her so, I should say he was her replacement. My husband, family and I ALWAYS said we did not think he would live a long life because of his activity, habits and demeanor as a young pup. At 1 1/2 years old I wanted to stud him out and got bloodwork done (which was normal) he showed no interest in female dogs. He was uninterested, getting fat and not as active. I have two other dogs that kept him going but, I learned that I could not leave any food down even for our cats because he would eat everything. He was not very active even at a young age, my husband and I SPOIL our animals and would lift him up & down the stairs, bed, couch, and the back stairs (he got used to this until the day we let him go). He managed to get into food that we brought home from the vet a 20lb bag left in the kitchen and ate enough until we caught him, he got into halloween candy last year and ate it until we could catch him (we then bought the dog food storage containers). Our vet suggested a diet and he only ate a recommended quantity twice daily. He would lost weight and gain it back. About a year ago he started losing his vision. Our vet said that he could not see anything wrong with his eyes. I can tell you so much more about his problems but Overall, he has had problems with his vision, muscle tone, weakness, appetite for the past 2 1/2 years but, still a loving happy boy that mom and dad loved and treated as a special dog. He was our baby and we did not care if we had to give him extra attention. I brought him to the groomer last month and he came home with an ear infection.. I then brought him to the vet and he had lost weight too fast, I suggested getting bloodwork on him because I was suspicious of Diabetes, turns out he was in renal failure and anemic, the vet said he needed a blood transfusion, IV fluids, ultrasound of kidneys and a bunch of other tests that could pinpoint his diagnosis costing from $3000-$8000 and they could not determine if the outcome of the up-hill battle would work for my little guy. X-rays showed and enlarged heart and a murmur.. Around x-mas he would vomit here and there and showed no appetite turning his nose up to everything, (except roastbeef) that was not our dog and we knew something was going on in his once 34lb body to 22lb body. With his whole medical backround and the dog that I always saw and knew I did not see him going through so much distress, surviving. He to us always had a weakness to begin with and I did not want to put him through all the stress, anxiety, treatments, medications and so forth, just to progress his life without knowing if it was 2 weeks or 2 years. My other dogs do notice him not here and the mini schnauzer my mom bought him for me to replace is 16 and still with me, I feel lousy.. Did i do wrong by ending my lil guys' life so, soon and not giving him a chance, financially we could not afford it but, I could have come up with the money working with friends and family to pay them back. From his past medical history and his problems, I did not want to put him through all that stress without knowing if the outcome would work. CRF is irreversible and my buddy had already lost partial vision, renal failure, anemia, with an enlarged heart, Did I do right by him? Your comments are well appreciated, my story is long and not all included as far as his complete health backround.. I don't think his lil' body could handle much more, I have been crying for days, no appetite and my husband is very sad as well.. I feel soooooooooo guilty but, know he was never a strong pup to begin with.. If I only got bloodwork sooner, I don't know.. We gave him lots of chocolate before our decision and he was such a happy pup, the tranquilizer was not a full dose and it looked like he was convulsing and the vet apologized and said he thought that dose would be enough, the euthanization was quick but, very painful for us. Pleasant comments please..