Darker Sides of Me

A

apok86

New member
I realized something very unpleasant about myself today.



I have anger management problems, and I may be suffering from post-partum depression. I may even be bipolar.



The realization about my anger came earlier today. Sorsha was screaming, and I couldn't get her to stop. Without even realizing it, I had grabbed my cell phone and I was getting ready to throw it. I had opened my mouth to yell at her when I realized what I was doing. I was immediately disgusted with myself.

I've always been honest that I have a nasty temper, and I'll be the first to admit that when angry, thoughts of violence become frequent. I have always known deep down inside that it's only a matter of time before I cross the line and hit someone, while another part of me has argued that no matter how angry I get, I could never hit someone. I realized today that it truly is a matter of time before I hit someone, that I am capable of hitting someone in the depths of rage, and that someone could be anyone.

I'm not going to seek just anger management however. I suspect my inability to control my anger is a symptom of a deeper problem, and I think, though I'm not sure, I may be suffering from post partum depression. William was the one who suggested that I may be bipolar, because of how rapidly I can go from happy to furious. I don't think it's likely, but I'm willing to check and see.

I don't really like myself today.


Now, before anyone flips out....I never laid a hand on Sorsha. I just realized today that hitting her for crying has become a nightmarishly possible scenario. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially William and Sorsha. I don't want to lose either one of them, and I know if I don't do something about my anger, I eventually will.
 
Being any or getting angry is normal, its what you do with it that counts, doesn't mean your abnormal...or are bipolar..weird..etc...news! it normal, we all get there.
 
Well, that right there is more than most people are willing to do. Admitting that you need help. WANTING help is a huge first step to solve the issue.

And just remember, you might have started to do something terrible but you STOPPED. You checked yourself. Whatever else you might think about the situation, you stopped.
 
:yeahthat:

When I realise I'm furious, angry. I go to the side/another room. Yell/hit/kick or then I sit down focus on my breathing until I don't feel the rage pumping in my vains I go back. I've never been a violent person, until the meds. But, it's good that you've acknowledged your problem. Then you can I start finding ways, of why you get angry and how you control yourself.
 
When a baby cries at that age there's always a reason (they don't learn to do it for the hell of it until later, fortunately for you) diaper, food, comfort.
Are you breast feeding or bottle feeding?

Lana LOVED to be wrapped TIGHT (and I mean almost choking tight) in a swaddle blanket before she would ever even think about sleeping (seriously she'd cry for over an hour).

Post Partum Depression can be very serious. If you're feeling anxiety, and have tried everything you can think of, just put her down, and walk out of the room for 10 minutes, to gather your thoughts, and give yourself a chance to calm down. (they also say if a baby cries for more than 7 minutes there is definitely something wrong, so keep that time frame in mind when dealing with her)

Yoga really helps with the stress factor, sounds dumb but I'm psycho so I know.

I was diagnosed bipolar and am supposed to be on antidepressiants but I don't believe in medicating myself so I go out of my way to make sure I'm doing things right. If you ever need any other advice I'm here, you can pm me.
 
Look, you've got better self-control than I do, and if you'll head back on over to my thread you'll see I had a fairly easy time getting treatment and my condition's significantly improved. If I can do it, so can you.

:hug2:

You gots my AIM if you need anything
 
Now I have no knowlage of Post Partum Depression whatsoever, however I do have quite a bit of experiance with anger and depression. And I am a firm belever in getting help before it goes out of hand. However, I'd say you need the right kind of help, someone who'll give you tools to work it out, not just charge you 500 bucks per hour to ask a few questions.
Allso, something that has helped me a great deal is finding an outlet, get a punching bag, join a gym/martial arts center. It is a great way to work out frustration.
I do hope you figure out something tht works for you, hating yourself for your temper is a vicious circle.
 
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