Crying....

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magpie1970

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I don't know why, but I'm in a total funk tonight. I am on 20mg prozac and this has helped my mental status since I started taking it. All 3 kiRAB have been sick and have nicely shared it with me. My oldest and middle child are finally over the crud (which , by the way, they shared with the neigrabroador also) and are going to daycare tomorrow. This has been planned for over 3 weeks now since they are drop-ins. The original plan was for all 3 girls to go and I made a big plan for the childfree day. I haven't had a day like this since I stopped using.

The youngest (20 months) has a temp that reached a high of 104.4 and I have finally got down to 101 for the past couple hours, but she is having a hard time breathing and is sneezing and coughing. Aside from the humidifier and plieing her with tylenol and ibuprofin, I don't know what else to do. All I want to do is sleep and H is at work.

As I write this, I think I know why I am crying. I am exhausted, sick and at my wits end. There is only so much sick that anyone wants to clean up before they reach their breaking point. The old me would pop a couple hydros and get the energy and "happiness" to cope with the situation. The new me doesn't have that luxury, I need to deal with this just like everyone else.

I finally got all 3 into bed this afternoon for a nap and took advantage of 10 minutes and broke out my meditation pillow and concentrated on my breathing. I felt a lot calmer. I am going to do a few yoga poses to help relieve some of this stress....and, sorry DENON.....I'm going to go throw a rock at a tree. Your idea of throwing it into water and watching the ripples, but I live in the wooRAB and trees are in abundance....to appease you, I will throw it at a dead tree if that's ok. : )

If you made it this far, thank you. I'm just sad today and I really don't know why except that maybe this is the first time in a long while that I need to deal with things instead of "coping".

Namaste
 
OK - Dead Trees are OK to throw at. :-) Gee - I liked the ripples ideas too... :(

With everything going on in your life right now, I don't think anyone would blame you for what you're going through or how you are feeling. I have a hard enough time dealing with one sick kid. Vent, meditate, yoga, cry, jumping jacks, deep breathe, hot shower... - do whatever it takes, just keep away from the drugs!!!

I'm headed up to the mountains tomorrow to get some needed fresh air and some alone time with my wife. The air in Phoenix sucks bad anymore. I'll throw a (small) rock at one of my pine trees if it will make you feel better. I'll be thinking and wishing you the best!!!
 
Hi there! Hope everyone at your place is feeling better today. My son got sick when I was only about 10 days clean with similiar symptoms. I know just how you feel. I felt so useless, theres nothing you can really do to make them feel better, but it wears you down to the point that you think it might be okay to take a pill\drink, whatever, just to get me through this.... I hope you are all feeling better soon!! BTW- My little guy had influenza B, I guess it's really going around this year, so maybe thats the reason?
 
Magpie,

Good morning, I hope this post finRAB you feeling much better than you were yesterday.

Sadness comes in many forms and happens to the best of people. It can really distract us from our "norm" and make us feel completely frustrated and alone, however we addicts have to determine a trigger quicker than others. It's important for us to "figure it out" as we are still vulnerable and need to protect ourselves (just in case it turns out to be more than just "a sad day").

I'm sorry to hear your little ones are sick. Being a mommy to healthy babies is hard enough - then we get thrown for a loop when everyone is sick and we have to double-time it. It can be frustrating, we feel helpless, we just want our loved ones to feel better. On top of that, we are battling addiction and of course, that little voice inside our brains says "A couple pills will fix me right up!"

I'm proud of you for recognizing that you CAN just deal with it like everyone else. It's one of the hardest things we'll go through, for a very long time (thinking about using to make it all go away). But, you know better and you know it's not the answer to your problems. Your way of coping yesterday was inspiring :) I'll have to remeraber to take 10 minutes throughout my day for a little "me time." Us moms have to accept that we deserve a little break now and then :)

Again, I hope you are feeling better today. Keep posting about your thoughts and feelings - You'd be surprised how much good it does to let it all out.

Love emsmom
 
Oh, our dear magpie!

I am so sorry you are feeling so down and out! If I was there I would scream with you and throw a few good rocks at that dead tree together!!!!!

It sounRAB like you have had your hanRAB MAJORLY full recently so it's understandable that things seem very overwhelming! Take a deep breath and just try to be as calm as possible. Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug just from me!!!!!!!

I will say that this rollercoaster ride is hell and I am so thankful we all have eachother!
XOXOXOXOX
 
I would be very careful throwing rocks at your trees. I did that one time and the tree threw the rock back.....!

Lou
:-)~
 
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