Critiques on this unfinished poem? .. clearly needs a concluding thought?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Carolinee
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Carolinee

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Her sun withdraws its warming rays and swiftly turns its back
Her laughter, forgotten and unfamiliar

The single light bulb in the center of her ceiling flickers, flickers, black
The four enclosing walls hold their ground as she does

She concentrates, focuses, refuses to the let the hints of weakness leak from her eyes
She struggles to see pass the stinging droplets that blur her already blurred vision

Door opens to reality. She catches a peek, despite her futile tries
To avoid the irrefutable truth.

Light spews in, coating the room with a new perspective.

Her sun is dark, yet realization emerges past the sparse clouds.
The lights, overwhelming, shine too bright for her liking.
The tears, dissolved, hold no more weight.
 
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