It's from the middle of the story, so you guys won't understand the context, but I'd love to hear what you guys think regardless. Any and all feedback and criticism welcome. (*this* denotes italics)
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Adele rode through the brown and yellow countryside. Occasional houses drifted into view, though Adele barely noticed them. She knew it was not much further. The damn horse had slowed to a walk, though *it* wasn’t ****ing injured. But in truth, Adele did not mind, as she did not think she could handle anything faster. The earth tilted and blurred, and her limbs only responded somewhat capriciously to her brain’s instructions. The sun beat down upon her, and her mouth felt as though it had never tasted water. Ever since the countryside had started tilting, the horse had begun feeling more like an extension of herself than its own separate entity.
She put all her energy and willpower into finding the camp. It would be miles before any city she could trust and days before any people she could trust. She knew its general location, and she focused solely sending the horse in that direction. It had been easier in the morning, when the air had been crisp and cool and her mind had still been clear. The pain in her right arm hadn’t affected her so much then. The pain had grown worse as the sun grew hotter, until she had to slap herself to stay focused, to stay on the horse, and to prevent it from overwhelming her. Only an hour or two ago had the pain lessened, around the same time that the countryside had begun looking hazy. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it wasn’t good, but the rest of her addled state welcomed the relief. But she’d still be damned if she would succumb to it.
She wanted nothing more to lie on the front of the horse. Not with her whole body, of course, but just lean her head and torso against the horse’s soft black hair. It would be so easy to do, and so comforting. But she fought herself about it, vaguely suspected that if she did, she would fall *into* the horse. Fall into the horse, and become a part of it. Blend in with its shiny hair, and then she would be no more. She stared down at the black hair for a long while and watched the way it moved up and down with each step they took.
When she looked up, she saw the camp in the distance. She had had enough sense in the beginning, when she had planned her route, to travel south and then west through the unmarked border, to avoid the battle fields. She had been traveling back north and slightly east for a short while and was thus approaching from the side of safety and friends.
As she stared vaguely at the camp in front of her, and the tents that were starting to grow larger as she approached, part of Adele realized she had no idea how she looked. She hadn’t calculated her appearance, or even been cognizant of it, for quite some time. It would have discerned her more had she had more possession of her full mental capacities, and had the world not appeared blurry.
At the entrance of the camp, the uniformed guards stared at her wordlessly. One or two mouths dropped down. She did not slow or stop her horse, and she did not think she could, had she wanted to. The lieutenant in charge gave her a nod and let her pass without saying a word.
As she passed the first tent and the first wandering private who stared dumbfounded at the sight of her, she sat upright and steeled up her face into the haughtiest, coldest face she could manage. The private, after staring wordlessly for a few moments, ran scurrying off in the direction of the main camp. The horse clomped down the dirt path, and more brown canvas tents began appearing on either side of her. The first few men that she passed barely noticed her, but as the horse continued, many of the troops about the camp stopped in their tracks, staring and whispering. The murmurs followed her as she and the horse continued down the dirt path, and soon a man she vaguely recognized approached her. Benoit, Bernard, something like that. A captain, she thought.
He made his way to her as her horse continued walking. “Mademoiselle DuPont. You were not expected back so soon. Are you alright? Did something go wrong?”
She only turned her face in his direction, acknowledging him, by way of reply.
Her horse hadn’t stopped, and the captain was soon behind her. “I’ll alert the colonel and Major Gillet,” she heard him say as he ran off.
She had attracted a crowd by the time the colonel caught up with them. They walked slowly with her as they followed her very slow-moving horse, and she could hear the continued murmurings.
The colonel, the major, and a number of other men walked up to her.
“DuPont,” Despard said.
He stood tall and alert in her path, staring up at her expectantly. She did not look at him. Gillet stood at his side, looking at her with a mixture of impassivity and curiosity, and the other men stood behind them. Despard gently pu
Despard gently put a hand out to her horse, stopping it.
Adele looked around and caught the eye of a nearby private. “Get this damn horse some water,” she said, and he nodded readily. She then slowly let go of the reins and begun moving to get down. Despard reached out as if to help her but she pushed his hands away, so he took a step back and waited.
Adele lifted her far leg over the saddle and slowly began lowering herself to the ground. Her feet were still a few feet off the ground when she let go, and she stumbled heavily as soon as she landed. Despard reached out and caught her, preventing her from falling and standing her up straight as he did so.
He kept his hands on her shoulders, holding her still, and looked down at her. She avoided his gaze. “Are you alright?” he asked.
After a slight pause, she pushed him away. “I’m fine. Get me to a tent.” Despard acquiesced and began leading the way to his tent, only twenty or so yards away. Gillet shot the remaining crowd a
threatening glance, and they slowly disbanded. The few other men began following them to the tent.
Adele had only made it a few steps before she stumbled again. Once again, Despard caught and helped her. As soon as she was steadily on her feet, he let go, but she did not keep walking. Without looking at him, she said, “I may need some help.”
He smiled grimly, and assisted her the rest of the way to the tent.
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Adele rode through the brown and yellow countryside. Occasional houses drifted into view, though Adele barely noticed them. She knew it was not much further. The damn horse had slowed to a walk, though *it* wasn’t ****ing injured. But in truth, Adele did not mind, as she did not think she could handle anything faster. The earth tilted and blurred, and her limbs only responded somewhat capriciously to her brain’s instructions. The sun beat down upon her, and her mouth felt as though it had never tasted water. Ever since the countryside had started tilting, the horse had begun feeling more like an extension of herself than its own separate entity.
She put all her energy and willpower into finding the camp. It would be miles before any city she could trust and days before any people she could trust. She knew its general location, and she focused solely sending the horse in that direction. It had been easier in the morning, when the air had been crisp and cool and her mind had still been clear. The pain in her right arm hadn’t affected her so much then. The pain had grown worse as the sun grew hotter, until she had to slap herself to stay focused, to stay on the horse, and to prevent it from overwhelming her. Only an hour or two ago had the pain lessened, around the same time that the countryside had begun looking hazy. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it wasn’t good, but the rest of her addled state welcomed the relief. But she’d still be damned if she would succumb to it.
She wanted nothing more to lie on the front of the horse. Not with her whole body, of course, but just lean her head and torso against the horse’s soft black hair. It would be so easy to do, and so comforting. But she fought herself about it, vaguely suspected that if she did, she would fall *into* the horse. Fall into the horse, and become a part of it. Blend in with its shiny hair, and then she would be no more. She stared down at the black hair for a long while and watched the way it moved up and down with each step they took.
When she looked up, she saw the camp in the distance. She had had enough sense in the beginning, when she had planned her route, to travel south and then west through the unmarked border, to avoid the battle fields. She had been traveling back north and slightly east for a short while and was thus approaching from the side of safety and friends.
As she stared vaguely at the camp in front of her, and the tents that were starting to grow larger as she approached, part of Adele realized she had no idea how she looked. She hadn’t calculated her appearance, or even been cognizant of it, for quite some time. It would have discerned her more had she had more possession of her full mental capacities, and had the world not appeared blurry.
At the entrance of the camp, the uniformed guards stared at her wordlessly. One or two mouths dropped down. She did not slow or stop her horse, and she did not think she could, had she wanted to. The lieutenant in charge gave her a nod and let her pass without saying a word.
As she passed the first tent and the first wandering private who stared dumbfounded at the sight of her, she sat upright and steeled up her face into the haughtiest, coldest face she could manage. The private, after staring wordlessly for a few moments, ran scurrying off in the direction of the main camp. The horse clomped down the dirt path, and more brown canvas tents began appearing on either side of her. The first few men that she passed barely noticed her, but as the horse continued, many of the troops about the camp stopped in their tracks, staring and whispering. The murmurs followed her as she and the horse continued down the dirt path, and soon a man she vaguely recognized approached her. Benoit, Bernard, something like that. A captain, she thought.
He made his way to her as her horse continued walking. “Mademoiselle DuPont. You were not expected back so soon. Are you alright? Did something go wrong?”
She only turned her face in his direction, acknowledging him, by way of reply.
Her horse hadn’t stopped, and the captain was soon behind her. “I’ll alert the colonel and Major Gillet,” she heard him say as he ran off.
She had attracted a crowd by the time the colonel caught up with them. They walked slowly with her as they followed her very slow-moving horse, and she could hear the continued murmurings.
The colonel, the major, and a number of other men walked up to her.
“DuPont,” Despard said.
He stood tall and alert in her path, staring up at her expectantly. She did not look at him. Gillet stood at his side, looking at her with a mixture of impassivity and curiosity, and the other men stood behind them. Despard gently pu
Despard gently put a hand out to her horse, stopping it.
Adele looked around and caught the eye of a nearby private. “Get this damn horse some water,” she said, and he nodded readily. She then slowly let go of the reins and begun moving to get down. Despard reached out as if to help her but she pushed his hands away, so he took a step back and waited.
Adele lifted her far leg over the saddle and slowly began lowering herself to the ground. Her feet were still a few feet off the ground when she let go, and she stumbled heavily as soon as she landed. Despard reached out and caught her, preventing her from falling and standing her up straight as he did so.
He kept his hands on her shoulders, holding her still, and looked down at her. She avoided his gaze. “Are you alright?” he asked.
After a slight pause, she pushed him away. “I’m fine. Get me to a tent.” Despard acquiesced and began leading the way to his tent, only twenty or so yards away. Gillet shot the remaining crowd a
threatening glance, and they slowly disbanded. The few other men began following them to the tent.
Adele had only made it a few steps before she stumbled again. Once again, Despard caught and helped her. As soon as she was steadily on her feet, he let go, but she did not keep walking. Without looking at him, she said, “I may need some help.”
He smiled grimly, and assisted her the rest of the way to the tent.
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