Criticism needed on first chapter ( so far ) of a book I'm working on?

Robi

New member
Chapter 1

The Tale of Bianca



Time is a funny thing; it passes by us seemingly as we go about our day to day lives. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months and so on. Time is even funnier in books; as readers,
we wait, on average, an entire year for a sequel to our favorite book and yet, when we finally peel back the front-cover to those ivory pages within, we are somewhat bewildered to find that
our hero has aged by several decades. I suppose a book that takes place during that hero's infancy would be pretty boring and unnecessary but still, it would be nice to know the details that come
after certain events, for instance; what happens after a certain woman is captured, killed and her children taken from her by two rivaling brothers.
With that in mind I humbly present the tale of Bianca, which shall pick up at her third birthday party…

18 years later…

Ok, so I lied about that last part. Imagine, however, if we really did start from there: The size of this book would be astronomical not to mention all the trees that would have to be chopped
up and killed just to make one, single copy.




18 years have passed since the incident of the woman on the train and the baby that was discovered by Marcus, the Light King, has grown-up to be quite an attractive young woman. As she stood examining herself in the glass mirror that adorned her bedroom door, she couldn't help but look satisfied. Being over six foot tall meant that she just barely fit within the confines of the mirror, which was great when you consider that this particular was exactly
6 feett and 1 inch in height and 2 feet in width. She let her long, blonde hair down, it shined as the morning sun crept in. Upon further examination, we discover something rather unusual, a scar. No, not a very prominent one that makes her look like an abomination, rather, it is a small, crescent shaped scar upon her left eye, hardly noticeable at first glance. Scars, however, are not the focus of our story, so back to the girl in the mirror. Oh, silly me, introductions are needed: Reader meet Bianca and Bianca meet our captive audience, err I mean reader…

Bianca tidied herself in a hurry. She hurriedly brushed her hair and slipped into the least fashionable white dress she owned. Obviously this is not normal practice for a girl in her teens, in fact, if the fashion police were
to break down the doors to her room at this very moment they would probably collapse at what she was wearing, the again, I'm not a fashion expert, I'm a writer. Her feet slid themselves into her favorite pair of ballet pumps and she ran out of her bedroom, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Now, if your sitting there wondering why on earth any girl in her right mind would choose to not use any make-up before leaving her bedroom, I have bad news: Not all girls use make-up and besides, if she wore make-up her training session with Marcus would be kind of well, awkward.



"Where the hell is that damn girl?" Marcus said to himself as he paced up and down the courtyard that separated the main garden from the entrance of the enormous castle that loomed above him.
 
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