I"m trying to write a poem in meter and rhyme scheme, and this is so far my most successful one, but needs improvement.
Any comments suggestions, what you like and not, Thanks! I put the mistaken meter i have and any suggestions to improve and fix it to 14 syllable meter would be really awesome!
Cloud Nine (Love's Paragon)
Your engaging ardent bolt is of heaven's tears spearing me. [15]
Oh, the sight, so rare, you move me to the highest degree. [14]
This strikes a fiery divine spark which starts our journey.[13/14]
Found! Our unlike mind and soul are now one bliss symmetry. [14]
Your flawless hair is windswept dreams evoked across the times. [14]
Oh, the smile, the pearl, which purifies all heaven’s lines. [13]
This face in morning light erases rousing darkening pain. [15]
Brilliant! The gemstone lit eyes burn free my path of feign. [13/14]
Your loving touch bequeaths a sweet relief caressing me.[15]
Oh, the voice, so surreal, a storm with tamed tranquility.[13/14]
This heartbeat as our walk sounds thunder in a wild desert.[14]
Charity! When an abyss thieves away my day you heal my hurt.[15]
Your companionship empowered me through sharp stress and fears.[14]
Oh, the presence, a gate of heavens' stairs we climb through years.[14]
This is where climactic clashes we avidly reason.[14]
//this line above barely makes sense it's the weakest part of the poem
I'm going for in a paraphrase sense: We passionately reason struggles to peace or contentment. (the most needed revised line)
Peace! A common plane sustains the daunting crack of seasons. [14]
Your spirit quickens freedom in a shattered confused mind. [14]
Oh, the character, a truth which saves me from maligns.[13]
This endless depth opened your beautiful soul to mine.[13]
Paragon! a glorious love ascends to our Cloud Nine. [13/14]
By Aaron Combs (Me)
Appreciate Your Views and Comments, Thanks!!
Any comments suggestions, what you like and not, Thanks! I put the mistaken meter i have and any suggestions to improve and fix it to 14 syllable meter would be really awesome!
Cloud Nine (Love's Paragon)
Your engaging ardent bolt is of heaven's tears spearing me. [15]
Oh, the sight, so rare, you move me to the highest degree. [14]
This strikes a fiery divine spark which starts our journey.[13/14]
Found! Our unlike mind and soul are now one bliss symmetry. [14]
Your flawless hair is windswept dreams evoked across the times. [14]
Oh, the smile, the pearl, which purifies all heaven’s lines. [13]
This face in morning light erases rousing darkening pain. [15]
Brilliant! The gemstone lit eyes burn free my path of feign. [13/14]
Your loving touch bequeaths a sweet relief caressing me.[15]
Oh, the voice, so surreal, a storm with tamed tranquility.[13/14]
This heartbeat as our walk sounds thunder in a wild desert.[14]
Charity! When an abyss thieves away my day you heal my hurt.[15]
Your companionship empowered me through sharp stress and fears.[14]
Oh, the presence, a gate of heavens' stairs we climb through years.[14]
This is where climactic clashes we avidly reason.[14]
//this line above barely makes sense it's the weakest part of the poem
I'm going for in a paraphrase sense: We passionately reason struggles to peace or contentment. (the most needed revised line)
Peace! A common plane sustains the daunting crack of seasons. [14]
Your spirit quickens freedom in a shattered confused mind. [14]
Oh, the character, a truth which saves me from maligns.[13]
This endless depth opened your beautiful soul to mine.[13]
Paragon! a glorious love ascends to our Cloud Nine. [13/14]
By Aaron Combs (Me)
Appreciate Your Views and Comments, Thanks!!