Could you critique my second attempt at a non Rhyming poem?

CrazyGirl

New member
This is my second attempt at writing a non rhymed poem.

My Saturday Sleep

It was written a line too quick,
The finish was lost before the final twist.

You tore the songs of hurt into pieces,
Till the verse capsized into lost magic.

I hoped you would call again,
But that day turned flat fixed.

Never were you my Monday Morning,
You were always my Saturday sleep,

Till the day you skipped a day,
Now that skip is played on repeat


By Crazygirl

Thanks for the answers
 
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