Could he have changed?

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kirstn007

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I dated a guy for awhile who had a drinking problem. when we first met he was in recovery and doing well, we had that instant connection and attraction. i fell for him fast i loved his personality, we just clicked. well when he moved in with me, he relapsed and began drinking again (he has a long history of this problem) everynight basically and it drove me nuts, i was losing sleep, sressed to the max, he scared me sometimes when he drank (he didnt hit or beat me though), we fought all the time, he cheated on me more than once lets say. well in april i broke up with him because i was tired of how he was treating me. he went to rehab (was sent there). i saw him a few weeks ago to drop him some of his things and he looks so much better, he is the guy i fell for. you can just see it in him. he has been writing me and i do know what he says isnt just his smooth talk, it is real but i am afraid when he is out that he will relapse, or cheat. he said drinking was the reason he cheated, is this true? and where should i go from here with him? i think he is in the right mind set to stop drinking but im worried about his cheating? its wasnt just a one time cheat either. anyone have any advice from what ive given?
 
drinking wasn't the reason he cheated, it was his EXCUSE for cheating....
I'll tell you the same thing i told you on the relationship board.....the guy is no good!
 
ok thanks i was just wondering because this is an addiction board and that is his problem thank for ur advice(s) though
 
Kirstn

I know that you want to believe in the man, and actually at the moment, he is probably sincere in what he says. However, he is but a baby in recovery from his addiction. An infant is probably even closer. At this time, he neeRAB to be working his 12 steps and focusing on himself and sobriety.

My own experience is that it takes about a year to truly be walking in sobriety. He should know this from rehab. This is not a time for him to engage in any type of relationship at all. His sole job is to learn to live in sobriety and to take the time for his thinking to change permanently.

This is not the time to rekindle the romance. You would help him most by giving him the space he neeRAB to do the work he must in finding sobriety. It is easy to do in the confines of a rehab; it is much more difficult to do it in the real world. It takes time and practice, a lot of both.

Take time out for yourself also to think about why you are interested in a man with a serious drinking problem as well as a man who cheats. Perhaps some counseling for yourelf will help you discover why you would gravitate towarRAB this man. Learn about you.

Wishing you well
reach
 
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