Continuing Debate between my husband and I and need advice (Long warning!)?

[BrittniMarie]

I need the input of you mommies and daddies out there... My husband and I are always having a debate about appropriate ages to talk to children about certain things..

Ok a little bit of background... my husband was raised in a family where the act of procreating children or anything sexual was not spoken of at all... they just assumed they would learn from friends at school... I find this to be completely wrong and totally opposite of my family. My parents were very open about sex and when cognitively ready would explain to us children how babies were made and never lied about the stork or anything (his family did) Because of this I was always very open with my parents about sex and they were with me as well... encouraging abstinence until marriage but if I chose not to that they would provide ways to get birth control and condoms etc and he was never and still even now that we are married has never talked to his parents about sex... His sister (13 years old) started her monthly cycles this year and asked her mom what was wrong with her why she was bleeding and her mom told her to "google it" (literally thats what she said)

So my first question is... what have you parents done sex and physical changes in your body (period, hair growth, and so on)?

And the next example happened just a couple days ago and then today again.. My husband has a little brother that is 12 and came home from school crying on the last day before break because kids on the bus were making fun of him because he honestly still believes in Santa... His parents then told him that Santa is real and that the kids have no clue what they are talking about... I was completely shocked!! At 12 years old that he could still possibly believe in Santa and then that his parents lied to him and promised he was real... My parents on the other hand let us believe in Santa when we were younger and then whenever we started to seriously question if he was real or not they would tell us that the idea of Santa is real but he as a person flying around the world is not... THere was no set age but yet no lying...I was 5 when I figured it out but my brother was like 8...

Do you parents lie to your children when they honestly ask if he is real or not? I understand Santa encourages children to use their imagination but isn't there a point where you need to encourage reality and not bluntly lie?


We still have several years before we seriously have to worry about this because I'm pregnant with our first now.. but just wondering what parents out there think and what they have done with their own children!

 

[alyssa]

I'm not a parent yet But my family was totally honest with me and my family about sex, like yours. I was reading something about parents not hiding sex from their kids and then when they are teens they are more comfortable talking about and are less likely to become victims of date rape or getting drunk and not knowing what you are doing.

The whole Santa thing. figured out when I was about... 9. After 10 I thinks its time to not believe in Santa and then I would tell them truth. Maybe even 8 or 9.

 

[boomer s]

it appears that the two of you are on the opposite ends of the spectrum in this subject. the best way to handle it is to find the middle ground. certainly the way his parents handled it was not correct, the mother should have been watching for signs in puberty and explained over the years in a spread out way what her body was doing and what she can expect.
research says that when children ask tell them enough to satisfy them and no more until they advance in their thinking and reasoning and ask in detail. its natures way of preparing the child but in steps that they can handle and understand.
on the other hand sex should be taught from the very beginning to not be taken lightly and saying to your kids that yes we want you to not do it but if you decide to go against our wishes then we will help you defy us. the best way is to just tell them firmly that abstinence is expected just like the chores and grades in school.
children mature at different levels so let the child decide when they are ready for the next level. My youngest is 7 and still believes but my middle son is 9 and he isn't sure but is leaning more towards believing but I think it also has to do with me putting on a good front too. (its fun!)
however on a serious note, the middle ground in this case is best, and keep the best of communications with your kids.

 

[latinlady]

For your first question, my parents didn't tell me anything about sex or body changes etc. When I started my cycle at age 11 I didn't understand what was happening to me. I thought I had cancer and was dying. She finally asked me why I kept going to the bathroom ( I was changing each time) and I told her I was bleeding to death. She laughed and called me "stupida" spanish for stupid. I think my sister was the one that helped me with my first training bra. Sex was considered dirty (even in marriage) so my parents never talked to me about it.
My husband and I are in agreement about our boys (2 with another on the way). When the time comes we will talk to them about using protection, consequences etc. It is VERY important especially in this day and age for them to know.
Now for the Santa issue, I wouldn't continue to lie to our children should they ask. My old son just found out about Santa and I figured 9 was a good age to know the truth. He said he somewhat had things figured out and has been fine with it.
Yes, you and your husband still have time to worry about these issues but it is important to find a middle ground on how these issues will be addressed. Maybe things will change once your husband is a father which often can change anyones way of thinking.