Constructive criticism on poem:?

[imported_oh_snap!]

A Shift


Tonight I could utter the loneliest of words
As we watch despair crack the cold ancient sky
Colliding with memories
To pierce the hopeful night
Leaving glimmers of ourselves
In the index of infinity

Our comfortable bondage broken
Shattered, splintered, and gone
For a moment nature stood frozen,
Peering into our unseeing eyes
Then she sped ahead
To make up for lost time

Now I’m stapled to this spot
Now I’m faced with two directions
Now I’m thinking of the third
Knowing solace in our past

Tonight I could utter the loneliest of words
As I watch despair crack the cold ancient sky
Colliding with fleeting memories
To pierce the helpless night
Leaving glimmers of ourselves
In the index of infinity

 

[autumlovr]

No doubt this is beautifully said!............by I don't have a clue what you are saying. I don't know if I'm lost or you are.

 

[Sean_Plays_Guitar]

You successfully used about every poetic device there is in one poem, impressive. You are very talented.

However, I think you need to focus a little more on what you are saying than how you are saying it. The message is unclear.

Also, if you can write in meter (yeah yeah its boring and what not)
but it makes a poem flow so well. Its quite amazing.