Apple Pear
New member
*gasp* this is goin to be hard to confess 
but....
hi i'm an 18yr old girl with confidence issues and who feels like an ugly duckling sometimes...
i guess i've always been this way, when i was younger my friend said i too was 'clingy' and i guess this is probably a manifestation of my low self esteem. sometimes i think i have a flawed personality too and find it hard to accept myself, because of the way i was treated in the past(bullying, ignored etc). nowadays i'm more of a conformist but for some reason, even after finding friends, i still feel like a black sheep.
whenever i see my ex-friends who dress and makeup gorgeously with nice curly hair and perfect poses i feel so bad about myself! they love going clubbing and showing off their exciting social life and glamourous lifestyle, it makes me feel like a loser. it makes me feel insecure about my own life and sometimes even envious.
but the weird thing is that i dont even like clubbing ( it makes me dizzy lol), and i can never grapple with socializing with so many ppl at the same time cause its soo draining. am i trying to be someone im not?why am i envious of a something that isnt even the real me? it feels like im missing something.
my real self is actually super nerdy: loves chess, literature, english language, reading about business/investing, arts & craft, social issues. ya the hallmarks of geekdom. gawd. i even love reading the news(been reading everyday since i was 6 lol) and i loooove national geographic and newsweek and documentaries.
i've changed DRASTICALLY over the years and even start following trends i used to ignore, so i look and dress alot better now that u wouldnt be able to tell i was a total nerd in highschool. although my outer self has changed, sometimes i feel confused over my core personality. two years ago i had a conversation with my friend over joining a club in sch. when i mentioned chess she laughed and said it was a losers club. i felt so bad right there and then that i didnt join it even though i would have loved to. and ashamed that i've given in so easily to peer pressure.
can anyone give me some advice? have you ever been in the same situation before and how did u guys get around it? thx guys.
but....hi i'm an 18yr old girl with confidence issues and who feels like an ugly duckling sometimes...
i guess i've always been this way, when i was younger my friend said i too was 'clingy' and i guess this is probably a manifestation of my low self esteem. sometimes i think i have a flawed personality too and find it hard to accept myself, because of the way i was treated in the past(bullying, ignored etc). nowadays i'm more of a conformist but for some reason, even after finding friends, i still feel like a black sheep.
whenever i see my ex-friends who dress and makeup gorgeously with nice curly hair and perfect poses i feel so bad about myself! they love going clubbing and showing off their exciting social life and glamourous lifestyle, it makes me feel like a loser. it makes me feel insecure about my own life and sometimes even envious.
but the weird thing is that i dont even like clubbing ( it makes me dizzy lol), and i can never grapple with socializing with so many ppl at the same time cause its soo draining. am i trying to be someone im not?why am i envious of a something that isnt even the real me? it feels like im missing something.
my real self is actually super nerdy: loves chess, literature, english language, reading about business/investing, arts & craft, social issues. ya the hallmarks of geekdom. gawd. i even love reading the news(been reading everyday since i was 6 lol) and i loooove national geographic and newsweek and documentaries.
i've changed DRASTICALLY over the years and even start following trends i used to ignore, so i look and dress alot better now that u wouldnt be able to tell i was a total nerd in highschool. although my outer self has changed, sometimes i feel confused over my core personality. two years ago i had a conversation with my friend over joining a club in sch. when i mentioned chess she laughed and said it was a losers club. i felt so bad right there and then that i didnt join it even though i would have loved to. and ashamed that i've given in so easily to peer pressure.
can anyone give me some advice? have you ever been in the same situation before and how did u guys get around it? thx guys.