Computer School Snippets

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tpdawkins

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Work Snippets is back under a new and improved formula! And unlike Tide, this is actually meaningful. Prepare to read stories that are so sad that they will kill any and all will to live inside your soul for the next fifteen eternities.

Now that's a lot of eternities!

*slaps own cheek with a shocked expression*

Let's start 'er up. Presenting the suspects:

  • Lil' ol' me!
  • Jack: I don't know his name but he looks like a Jack. Classmate who knows what he's doing.
  • Teacher: By teacher, I mean any teacher at this school.
  • Idiot: This groups together all male idiots since, when fused together, they couldn't even form the equivalent of a man.
  • Idiotess: This groups together all female idiots since, when fused together, they could form a woman with enough flesh to populate the biggest chest ever, but the brain would be a point of antigravity.



#1: Where is it? Where is it?
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?
Me: Here. *I point to the biggest board on the table.*
Five minutes later...
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?
Me: Here. *I pick up the biggest board on the table and wave it in front of her eyes so she can see it really well.*
Five minutes later...
Idiotess: Excuse me... Where's the motherboard?

That was the exact same idiotess on all three accounts.



#2: Where reading and looking are two very different verbs.
I meet an idiotess in my Windows XP class who seemingly cannot make any effort to learn. Whenever she finds herself at a spot she didn't expect, she doesn't ask for help. Instead, she freezes in place and sits motionless, except for looking around her every minute or two until she spots me and wildly gestures at me to come over.
Idiotess: What do I do?
Me: Well, where are you... OK, you are at step number seven on your sheet. What does it say?
Idiotess: It says...



...so... what do I do?
Me: ...Well... press 'C'!
Idiotess: The letter 'C'?
Me: Yes! The letter C.
Idiotess: OK... *presses the letter 'C'* What do I do now?
After fifteen more minutes of this circus, I finally get her to a part of the installation where she just has to sit there for a half-hour. On my way back to my desk, I come across Jack and give him a panicked look that pretty much explains my situation.
Me: Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!


Can you actually believe that in this four-hour session centered on Windows XP, I managed to help two people full-time AND install Windows XP twice on two partitions, upgrade them both to Service Pack 2, install an antivirus and Microsoft Office and leave ten minutes early?

I didn't even need to install the second Windows. That was to be done later this week!


=====================================================

Today, we were supposed to create a new 10 GB partition and install another Windows XP in order to allow for multi-booting. (This was originally a separate post from my above two quotes. Quotes 1 and 2 = yesterday. Rest = today.)



#3: Follow instructions carefully. Way too carefully.
Idiot: Uhh... Heyyyyy. [Kane]! (The newbs almost always call me by the second part of my name in class) Hey [Kane], I've got a problem! How do I install the second Windows?
Me: Do the exact same thing you did yesterday.
Idiot: Oh. Okayyyyy.
*One hour later...*
Idiot: Hey [Kane]! My new Windows doesn't show up! There's no menu!
Me: Let me look. Hey... Where's the other partition?
Idiot: Uhhhhh...
Me: You've overwritten on your first Windows! You've wasted an hour.
Idiot: Oh... Damn...
Me: You need to create a ten gigabyte partition, a new one, and put the second Windows there. Got it?
Idiot: Okay...
*One hour later...
Idiot: Hey [Kane]... My boot menu still doesn't show up...
(Guess why...? I later discovered he pressed any key whenever asked to in order to start the Windows installation. He reinstalled the same Windows four times. His CD never left its tray during the whole class. He refused to take out the CD, claiming Windows still hadn't finished installing yet.)



#4: Follow instructions not so carefully.
Teacher: OK, this didn't work out well last time, but today I won't be making any exceptions. If you have a question, come and write down your computer number on the board, this way I can help you in order. No hand raising. All right?
Students: All right!
(After less than thirty seconds, a dozen people have raised their hands, calling out to the teacher for help.)



#5: Follow instructions not at all.
Idiot #1: Yo dude, what are we supposed to do?
Me: Waddya mean?
Idiot #1: Well, there's Windows on the computer and stuff, what now?
Me: Open the instructions document the teacher gave you.
Idiot #2: What... this thing?? *he picks up the yet-unopened document*
Me: That's right.
Idiot #2: *opens the document and notices the instructions, numbered and formatted* Oooohhhhhhh...



#6: Cakewalking is your friend 'till I leave the classroom...
Idiot: Yo, can I borrow your anti-virus CD?
Me: Here you go.
Idiot: OK... *he inserts the CD and opens the installer.* What do I do now? Where do I click?
Me: Next.
Idiot: OK... And now?
Me: *I lean over to see his screen in order to ease up my job* Next. Next. Next. Next. Next. Wait.
Idiot: I wait?
Me: Yeah, you wait.
Idiot: OK...
*A few minutes later...*
Idiot: Hey, it says it wants to update the thing. What do I do?



#7: We're on Earth... or somewhere close!
Idiotess: Hey, what do I do with that regional settings thing?
Me: It asks you what country you're in. See the selection? It says France.
Idiotess: So... what do I do?
Me: We aren't in France. We are in Canada.
Idiotess: ...
Me: Click here. Good. Now select Canada. Now click Next. You should be good 'till Windows finishes installing.



#8: Word from the wise, or to the wise?
(A girl couldn't get her second installation of Windows to start up. As I examine the BIOS, I find out the computer had been set to boot from the hard drive before the CD-ROM - this change had been done by another group between our two classes.)
Me: ...Ah! There it is. See, the computer needs to be told in what order it needs to look at things to figure out what to start from. We want it to check the floppy drive first, then the CD-ROM, and lastly, the hard drive. This way. *I set the options correctly. An idiot, who had been peering over my shoulder, interjects.*
Idiot: Hey, this ain't good! You can't put the floppy first! You can't! I didn't need to on mine!
Me: That's how an average computer is set up. This'll come in handy later on.
Idiot: It's not right! It ain't gonna work!
Me: Shut it. I know what I'm doing.
Idiot: Hahahahahahahaha!
(Unsurprizingly, this was the dude who had reinstalled Windows four times and still wasn't able to run his computer properly by the end of the class. We had had a total of seven hours this week to get up and running, and his own computer could not even boot from the CD-ROM drive now.)



#9: Wherein listening becomes a miracle of God.
Teacher: I brought my laptop to show you. See these? I'm pointing at them right now. These are the USB plugs. We'll be using these a lot. You! Where are the USB plugs?
Student: Here.
Teacher: Good! See them well over here? You, where are the USB plugs?
Student: Here.
Teacher: You! Where are the USB plugs?
Student: Here.
Teacher: Good, good! Do you see well at the rear? Look at my finger, I'm pointing at them right now, those two rectangular holes. You, where are the USB plugs?
Student: Here.
Teacher: Excellent! You, where are the USB plugs?
Idiotess: I don't know...
 
sucide really is the bets option here
just jump a bridge whithe your hed wraped in seran warp should work less some one jumps into save you then asks you "whats a gig"





i was installing operating systems since i was like 8 or 9 (not quite sure wich)
 
Fantastic! Now that you've got that down, you can learn to type! Or spell, whichever the problem is.

I'm still considering starting a petition for e-canings for blatant disregard to the literacy clause.
 
I don't think I could handle working with a bunch of dumbasses like that. I would probably get mad someday and hit a computer with a sledgehammer or whatever else was just lying around.
 
#10: Wrong on just one level... but a big one.
Teacher: OK guys, I came in and noticed there were about fifty Ethernet cables plugged into the hub. We're twenty. THAT IS NOT GOOD. So that goes, that goes, that goes... *unplugs all the Ethernet cables* All right, now, I want your computer numbers. I'll take care of the plugging. If there's any problem, call me up, and I'll take care of it.
Student: 1 A!
Teacher: Done.
Student: 2 A!
Teacher: Done.
Student: 3 B!
Teacher: Done.
(After a while, he finishes plugging all the correct cables in the right place.)
Teacher: Now, I don't want to see anyone touching that hub. We're twenty, there's twenty cables plugged. That's the way it should be. If there's a problem, if you can't access the network, just talk to me and I'll fix it.
(5 minutes later, there's a mass of people fiddling around the hub.)
Teacher: Hey! Step away from there! If there's a network problem, call me up, do not play around with the cables on the hub!
(5 minutes later, there's another group of people trying their luck on the hub.)
Teacher: Hey! Back to your seats now! I said, if there's a problem with you connecting to the network, raise your hand and I'll take care of it. Do not touch the hub, that isn't any of your business.
(5 minutes later, yet another group of people masses around the hub and begins to try different plugs.)
Teacher: Get back to your seats! I'm in charge of that thing! Go! Now!
(Halfway into the class, we're back to having over fifty Ethernet cables plugged into the hub in all sorts of configurations, some going from the hub and back into the hub. Ironically, everyone who went to the hub to try to fix the prob themselves still couldn't connect to the network by the end of class.)
 
For the record, I say hub but it could've been a switch or whatever other network gizmo. Anyway, you get the idea. :P I am not taking the networking orientation since experience taught me this stuff is black magic.
 
Ah, I miss college. ;)

Honestly, IT isn't that hard, but it is, to an extent a right-brain/left-brain thing (don't know which). Some people are incredibly intelligent yet can't figure out how to change the background on their desktop.

I met my husband in our comp sci program. It was a scholarship program that started out with 27 students. He and I were 2 of the 6 graduating 2 years later. :happysad:
 
The only time I tried to teach someone about computers is when my mother thought that it might come in handy for her job ... she's a fucking cleaner :rolleyes: but nvm
so we got to the part explaining her that the monitor isn't the computer but only a display so you can see what your computer is doing. After that she tried to move the mouse that's where I ended my computerclass.
 
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