Computer School Snippets: It Never Ends!

K

Kenan

New member
Where have I been for two years? Making my life miserable of course!

Some of you may remember my stints against the (in)famous Arab Krew and its band of blathering idiots, in the shocking sequel to Work Snippets. By idiots, I mean all they have going for themselves is the single braincell that keeps them from taking a shit on the floor. I posted a few snippets, then forgot about the forum altogether.

Well, now that I remember this place, I'll let you all know that my Snippets, supposed to last but one semester, became a hideous monster, spanning five semesters and going, against complete fucking tards who somehow managed to remain at the school.

Printed in Times New Roman 12, the current list of adventures totals a staggering 52 pages.

Without further ado, I present: Computer School Snippets

Read and weep.
 
Welcome back, damn I remember reading those stories. They made me cry.

I was in a networking class with around 8 people in it and one person still, after a whole school year, still could not tell a cross over from a straight through. Oh and one person deleted the flash memory from a router.

:suicide:
 
X-over cable/straight-thru: Look at the connectors. If pin one is orange/white on both it's 568B Straight-thru. If one has orange/white and the other green/white at pin 1 it's a cross-over.


Deleted or formatted flash: Use xmodem through a rollover console cable to load a new IOS. Standard settings are 9600, NONE, 8, 1.
 
1149348314-supergeek.png
 
Keyboard failure causes you logically conclude you should not only unplug another cable, a network cable, connected to a computer that you are not even using.

Jesus Christ. I took a visual basic course over the summer at a kuhmoonity cowwege, and people actually got it. Half failed, but at least half got it. Then I went back to my history major. Fuck computer science, and fuck trig.
 
Oh, we were taught that, made our own straight through and cross overs, and had to cable routers, switches and PCs for labs. Yet, she was still having Layer One issues.

And I don't remember if the instructor got the IOS back on, but it still was funny. I believe she (different from the first girl), somehow fucked up typing copy running-config startup-config.
 
Another week has gone by, and with it, a shocking twelve snippets have been added. It's starting to exceed the average rate above one per day!

FINAL BONUS #10! Master Charge
Me: So you don't have a working credit card. OK. You, new guy. Do you have one?
Idiot: Welllll uuhhhhhh I got 'un, but there ain't no money in it.
Me: Wait, what?
Idiot: Yeah, uhhhhh, my credit card, outta cash.
Me: Is this a credit card or a debit card?
Idiot: Wellllllll uuuhhhhh, it's a... Visa.



FINAL BONUS #11! Milestone Jihad
Riti Sped has nothing on me. I've found something stupid enough that I believe I have full holy authorization to level this guy's country so that it doesn't breed any more dumbasses like him.

Two weeks ago, we got handed an assignment in project class: it was to be a short report detailing the solutions we were proposing to the given problem, and which one we suggested. It was to hover at five pages, give or take, and the whole thing was due on September 27. We had project class the following day, Friday September 28.

Idiot: LEAVE IT TO ME!!! I'M GONNA DO EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING'S FINE WITH ME!!

And without leaving us much time to argue, he speeds off.

Now, he commented during the week about how he was working with the report and having done such or such section and everything like that - which was all fine and good.

But one day, something dawned on him: he was working alone on a report, for a team composed of four people who, in the meantime, had nothing to do.

So what's his reaction?

In protest, he stops dead in his tracks.

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE.

We don't even get the news about it until... Friday! By the time he announces his anger to us, we realize he didn't hand in the document, and we are already late, which means marks docked for the entire team. Thus, marks docked for me as well.

I plug myself on his computer and retrieve the document.

My jaw dropped. Out of all things, he has stopped ON THE LAST FUCKING PARAGRAPH.

I brandish my laptop in his face.

Me: Finish it up.
Idiot: Well, uh, I'll do it tomorrow at home.
Me: No. Finish it up. Right now.
Idiot: I told you I was gonna do it at home!
Me: I don't give a fuck, we don't have time for this. You sit down, you finish up the report, and we ship it to the teacher. Fifteen minutes should be plenty of time for you.
Idiot: BUT I TOLD YOU--
Me: Screw it.

I retrieve my laptop and quickly start fixing things up, adjusting indents and margins and making sure the tone is right and the spelling is checked. I'll leave completing the last paragraph for last. It's barely two or three sentences to write, but I'm not in the mood to start composing at the moment. Meanwhile, the idiot complains to my teammates about my rather blunt way of dealing with his stupid ass.

Idiot: ...And he's all fuckin' tellin' me finish it up now and callin' all the fuckin' shots like he's the fuckin' boss or somethin' and I keep tellin' 'im I'll finish it up at home but NO, we gotta do it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and then he rips the fuckin' laptop from my hands and...

The teammates give me interrogative stares but I remain silent. The teacher starts talking in the background about how there is dissent in some teams and that we gotta fix our own problems ourselves. By his glances at me, I can easily tell he has no pity for me and has no intention of helping my predicament in any way. Worse, I am an idiot by association in his eyes, thrown in the same boat as the Arab Krew. I know I am sitting on the button of death and the bomb will detonate if I ever do a wrong move. It's either dragging the entire team up and making four complete assholes pass, or failing by principle and to make a point. I find both outcomes to be unjustful and incredibly stupid. Painted into a corner by idiocracy.

Right in cue as I finish correcting the document, the idiot requests my laptop so he can finish the last paragraph. He doesn't look too adept at writing a paper because those three extra sentences took him thirty full minutes to write, during which time his face was scrunched up in deep thought.

I double-check the last paragraph, save a backup copy, and E-Mail it to the teacher and the entire team.

Next paper is due Tuesday October 4. A two page report that any average student could complete within a half-hour. We, as a team, set the deadline of the first draft for Saturday evening, at which time it'll be E-Mailed to everyone. If we all find it good (or if nobody replies, signifying consent - note I expressly stated that clause) then we consider it final. If we find errors, then we meet up on Monday afternoon to discuss it. Monday afternoon is work for me. I am obviously not interested in cutting out even more time from a very, very part-time job (currently clocking barely 12 hours a week!) so it's in my interest that the paper be submitted on time.

It is Sunday, September 30, midnight... right... now.

My inbox is empty.

The team has failed again.



FINAL BONUS #12! Pathological
I am busy working on a Flash file while some guy is peering at what I'm doing since he hasn't installed Flash yet. Just then, he lets out a sigh, and breathes heavily on my right forearm.

I don't know how it happened, but my forearm got sticky.



FINAL BONUS #13! Gross Misconceptions
As I am browsing the EVE Online forums...
Idiot: What's this?
Me: This? A game.
Idiot: What kind?
Me: Space, science fiction and all that.
I go to the screenshots menu and show him what it looks like.
Idiot: Whoaaaaaa... And they did this all in Flash?!
Me: No... not really, no.
Idiot: Oh... But the ships, they must've been done in AutoCAD.
Me: Wait, what?
Idiot: Well, yeah. People use AutoCAD 2007 to makes games, don't they?



FINAL BONUS #14! It's no surprise
As of Monday, October 1 at 2:30 PM, the report that was team-deadlined for Saturday evening was never seen. In fact, the guy who was supposed to write it up never gave any sign of life. Since I had the lighest course load, I took it upon myself to spare 30 minutes to type up this puny little paper.

Also, the hosting was finally bought today. Although it took me a great amount of tact, diplomacy and fifteen minutes to convince the guy I wasn't cheating him out of 32$.



FINAL BONUS #15! Blatantly
Teacher: As of this week, I will be taking attendance. So now, who was here yesterday...
Idiot: Oh, all of us were here yesterday!
Teacher: No. You were not here yesterday. Neither were all your friends.



FINAL BONUS #16! Religious Holidays
Teacher: Now, the rules state that if you miss over 12 hours of class during the semester, you will be given an automatic failure.
Idiot: ...I missed a month. What do I do?
Teacher: ...
Idiot: Come oooooooonnnnnnnn! It's Ramadan. Give us a break, come ooooonnnnnn...



FINAL BONUS #17! Province of Denial
Teacher: Do we have any students from abroad?
Me: Hehe! Do you even need to ask?
Idiot: Waddya mean?
Me: Well, look around you; there's one Quebecker and three Moroccans.
(Author's note: The class contains about eight or nine students. Exclusing myself, four show up on Monday and the four others on Tuesday, thereby making the class go at half its normal speed.)
Idiot: No no no, we aren't from abroad. And besides, you're not a Quebecker either.
Me: Wait, say that again?
Idiot: Well, yeah! Quebeckers don't exist. I mean, you're either an English Canadian or an Amerindian, right?



FINAL BONUS #18! Fatal Exception
I finally met the guy who was supposed to do the paper for the project - remember snippet #14?
Me: Hey, forget about the paper. You're too damn slow, so we ended up doing your whole job for you.
I think I broke him, because at thas point, the guy froze motionless. Even as I left the classroom, he was still staring off into nothingness.



FINAL BONUS #19! A Rigid Schedule
Shortly before eleven o' clock, the fire alarm rings.
We all got out, the firefighters got in, and reported nothing unusual.
Then on the way back into class...
Idiot: So who pulled the alarm?
Teacher: I dunno. Some joker.
Idiot: BUT I HAD A CLASS GOING ON!!



FINAL BONUS #20! Speak Easy
We have been given a short individual assignment in project class, and we show it to the teacher, one by one, for correction. One idiotess gets her work marked, then sits back down and starts chatting with the guy behind her.
Teacher: Don't tell him anything!
Idiotess: Don't worry, I was busy telling him nothing!
Teacher: ...You were busy telling him nothing...
Idiotess: That's right! I was busy telling him nothing.



FINAL BONUS #21! Anthropomorphism
In this said assignment, which may make you recall UML class, we were supposed to describe the events and conditions involved in a particular scenario of an actor initiating an action within a system. In that case, the scenario was "a client withdraws money from the ATM". In particular, we had to find who were the primary actors, and the secondary actors if there were any. Primary actors are the ones who initiate the transaction (in this case, the client) and the secondary actors are persons or objects that serve to actively facilitate the transaction (in this case, the ATM - which essentially performs the same job as a clerk.)

...Well, actually, one of the guys in class disagreed with the fact that the secondary actor was the ATM. He claimed the secondary actor was the money.

Despite all the teacher's arguments he firmly believed in his own answer at the end of class.
 
I remember your stories! good to have you back, It's always good to be reminded that even though I am stupid sometimes, I'm never THAT stupid :happysad:
:hug2: I feel sorry for you
 
Your stories were/are thoroughly enjoyable, and I sure hope you find a partner to help put them in a cartoon serial. Along the lines of Scott Adams and Dilbert, you are providing a unique perspective on an aspect of life. Write on!
 
Your avatar has been scaring the crap out of me for three years. Change it.

And also, contribute more. I remember you being a really cool dude on AIM.
 
Time for this week's update. I'm averaging one fuckery per school day, by the way!


FINAL BONUS #22! King Solomon's Problem
We are to work on a Flash project, either alone or in teams of two. However, there are three people sitting in front of a single computer and talking to each other.
Teacher: Teams of three are forbidden!
Idiot: We know, we know. Don't worry sir, we'll make two teams of two in a few minutes.



FINAL BONUS #23! Affront against God
Idiotess: *chatter-chatter-chatter...*
Teacher: Next week, you will be doing presentations. 5 points if you're well shaven and combed. 5 points if you're in business attire. 5 points if you're wearing good shoes. 60 points for content. 15 points for argumentation, and 10 points for presentation style. If you ask a good question to the presenter, you get an extra point per. If you ask a stupid question, I dock one point per. If you talk while someone's up front and doing his presentation, I dock one point everytime I catch you... Yes, I'm especially talking to you ma'am.
Idiotess: (scandalised) ME?!
Teacher: Yes, you.
Idiotess: Hey hold on, what's the focus of this thing? Me, or the course material?!
Teacher: You...
Idiotess: ...

She couldn't argue that.



FINAL BONUS #24! Shifts
On Monday, we have Flash class. Me and four Arabs show up.

On Tuesday, we have Flash class too. Me and four Arabs show up.

But it's not the same Arabs.



FINAL BONUS #25! Encore!
Speaking of Flash class, people always came in a half-hour late. So to give them a chance, the teacher decided to eliminate the two 10-minute breaks and have the class start at 8:30 AM and finish at 11:00 AM rather than from 8:00 AM to 10:50 AM.

The Arabs now come in at 9:00 AM. Still a half-hour late.



FINAL BONUS #26! The Revolt
I had been holding out on posting this one for a while, mainly because I wasn't sure when that particular saga would end, or if it would end at all. Once again, it involves the syndicalist dumbfuck who was previously featured in Final Bonus #11; only this time, it was even harder for him to screw up.

For starters, we are all given a piece of work as usual on Friday, to be handed in on Thursday of next week. After some short calculations, we find out each of us has to write something barely a page long, with lists and line breaks that, should the document be put all together without formatting, would take less than a third of a page. Easy! Five minutes and we're all done. Best of all, each page is fully independent of each other.

I call for a deadling on Sunday at noon, knowing full well I need to constrain the idiot so that he doesn't pull a fast one on us like he did before - and if he does fail to do his part on time, this'll leave me with more than enough leeway to wipe after his mess.

Idiot: Uhh, can we have the deadline later?... 'Cause I don't do nothing on Saturday.
Me: You don't do anything on Saturdays?
Idiot: Yeah... Saturday, like, spiritual day and stuff for me.
Me: Spiritual day...
Idiot: Yeah, spiritual day...
Me: Fine, whatever. Saturday at 11:59 PM, good enough for you?
Idiot: Good!

After I get home the same day, I send an E-Mail to the group:

"Recap of today's stuff: each person's piece of work must be in my inbox by Saturday 11:59 PM. If you ain't done, it doesn't matter. Send it anyway and we'll work something out - just as long as I get a sign you're alive.

Also, [Harry] showed up only once in class and we never heard from him again. He had a single task to do, and he never did it. If he does not show up next week (we're dangerously approaching midterm after all), I'll consider him as fired from the team and he'll be on his own."

I sit at my computer as the clock is just about to turn Monday, constantly hitting my Check Mail button and always getting nothing from the idiot.

At 0:30 Monday, I send a mail, specifically addressed to him but mass-sent to the rest of the team as well:

"It's past the deadline and I haven't heard from you. What the hell is going on?"

In the middle of the night, I get a reply from him:

"Hey guys.

First of all, I wish to remind [Shuri] that we are at this school to learn, not to do work and hand it back half-assed to the teacher. As such, I consider the current deadline unacceptable and therefore move it to Tuesday at 11:59 PM.

As for [Harry], I wish to cultivate an atmosphere of acceptance and friendliness. As such, no exclusion from the team will be performed, not now, not ever. I'm sure he'll show up next week to help us all."

For the record, said [Harry] didn't show up. Again.

But on to the more important matters: the idiot found a way to fuck up, AGAIN. He found a way to miss the deadline, he found a way to somehow NOT do a job that takes ten minutes at worst, while having over FORTY-EIGHT HOURS to accomplish it.

Counting from the time I arrived home on Friday (5:00 PM) and to the time he E-Mailed it to me (Wednesday at 2:00 AM) - yes, he even managed to miss his own fucking pushed-back deadline, that left him 112 hours (or rather, 4 days and 7 hours) to do a simple, easy, and extremely short piece of project work that everyone else had miraculously done on Friday night or Saturday morning and handed over to me. But not him. He had to find a way to fuck it all up despite all the barriers I had erected specifically to prevent him from doing so.

Oh, and when I got home on Wednesday after work and opened the document, I pretty much had to rewrite it entirely since his formatting was completely out of whack - group work must look like it's been done by one person, you know, standardized. But considering the myriad of spaces and Enters and other odd decisions that betrayed his completele lack of knowledge in the use of a word processor, somewhat overcompensated by his overly verbose style of writing. Not that padding one's work a little is entirely bad, but I ran into more than a few cases where a whole paragraph could be reduced to a shorter, simpler sentence that was much easier to understand. To put it in context, he managed to create two overloaded pages out of what should have originally been a single, lightweight page.

I genuinely fear the next tasks he'll have to do up ahead...



FINAL BONUS #27! No rush...
In Flash class, the teacher was eager to teach us ActionScript 3 - the program's newest programming language, which bore several differences to ActionScript 2. Unfortunately, the school doesn't carry a legal copy of Flash.

Teacher: If I give you a zip of Flash CS3 and have you look for a keygen to make it work, will you guys be okay with this?

Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever, everyone agrees, piece of cake.

I install Flash, get home and free myself from the 30-day evaluation period quickly and easily.

Days and weeks pass. I have just arrived in class, today, to be met with this (thirty minutes late of course):

Teacher: So, today, we'll--
Idiotess: Sir, my Flash doesn't work! It says it expired!
Teacher: Didn't you get the keygen like I told you to a month ago?...
Idiotess: What keygen?
Idiot #1: Uh, sir, I formatted my computer! I don't have Flash anymore!
Idiot #2: I tried the keygen and it didn't work!
Teacher: Well, what did it tell you?
Idiot #2: Uhhhhhh... It just didn't work!!

It's 9:15 AM. Class was supposed to start at 8:30 AM. I lost 45 minutes for nothing. I just sat there and waited for the fucking idiots. Again. And now we're about to start a class while I am the only person among four who has a working copy.



FINAL BONUS #28! Recidivism
Presentations are being done in class while I spot, directly behind me, some guy idly doodling on his desk with a pen. Note here that he wasn't doodling on a sheet of paper - he was doodling, directly, onto the desk.
Me: Stop that.
Idiot: Huh?
Me: Stop that. Lift the pen.
Idiot: Why?
Me: Because it ain't interesting for someone to sit at a desk that's been scribbled on all over.
Idiot: So what?
Me: Look around you. Every desk around you is perfectly clean, spotless. Except yours, on which you just drew two giant UFOs.
Idiot: It's a habit.
Me: Then de-habit it...
Idiot: No.

I figured it would be pointless to try to argue any further.
 
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