C
cookies_rule_91
Guest
These are genuine instructions found on consumer products around the world. What do they take us for - STUPID?!
On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Isn't that when we all do it?)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (Serving suggestion only)
On the bottom of the box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (No!!!!)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (So that's why my clothes were still creased)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (No surprises there then)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (like what?)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (Really!?!)
(Editors note: Yes we know peanuts aren't really nuts, they're legumes)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: fly with another airline.)
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents)
On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Spoil my fun why don't you)
On a container of salt: "WARNING! High in Sodium"
On a packet containing a SINGLE vanilla pod: "Product of more than one country"
On a blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be used as protection from a Tornado"
On a Taiwanese shampoo: "Used repeatedly for severe damage" (So that explains why my hair is so bad)
On a pushchair: "Remove child before folding".
On a packet of condoms: "Do not drive whilst using this product"
On a bottle of bathroom cleaner: "For best results start with a clean bathtub before use"
On a Korean kitchen knife: "Please keep out of children"
On a Packet of raisins: "Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal" (Yummy, the creamy white stuff!!!)
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good
meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went
to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" said Holmes.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I
deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are
small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you fool.
Somebody has stolen our tent."
On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Isn't that when we all do it?)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (Serving suggestion only)
On the bottom of the box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (No!!!!)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (So that's why my clothes were still creased)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (No surprises there then)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (like what?)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (Really!?!)
(Editors note: Yes we know peanuts aren't really nuts, they're legumes)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: fly with another airline.)
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I blame the parents)
On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Spoil my fun why don't you)
On a container of salt: "WARNING! High in Sodium"
On a packet containing a SINGLE vanilla pod: "Product of more than one country"
On a blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be used as protection from a Tornado"
On a Taiwanese shampoo: "Used repeatedly for severe damage" (So that explains why my hair is so bad)
On a pushchair: "Remove child before folding".
On a packet of condoms: "Do not drive whilst using this product"
On a bottle of bathroom cleaner: "For best results start with a clean bathtub before use"
On a Korean kitchen knife: "Please keep out of children"
On a Packet of raisins: "Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal" (Yummy, the creamy white stuff!!!)
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good
meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went
to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" said Holmes.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I
deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are
small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you fool.
Somebody has stolen our tent."