T
twlght_love17
Guest
Give me any pointers/corrections! Thanks 
Prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Essay:
Burnt orange, yellow and red fill the canvas as the man creates a new landscape scene similar to those of the famous painter, Thomas Kinkade. Secluded in the corner of his office, the man works lively and with near-professional skill. As the painter’s brush cascades the woven fabric, a scene of a sunrise with a lonely cottage fills the frame. This man, whose many paintings have been sold at the nearest crafts store, gathered by friends and family, and displayed in his home, would not cross anyone’s mind when asked who the artist of the painting was. This man was my grandfather.
Affectionately known as Popo, my grandfather embedded in me the importance of perseverance, determination, and a mindset that can take you anywhere. Through Popo, I was able to see what true determination looked like. Popo had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1976 and had endured the painful side effects ever since. Disabled emotionally and physically, it is amazing that he overcame such a debilitating disease.
Popo picked up the hobby of painting after the life-changing disorder caused him to retire from working as a mechanic. With crippled hands, Popo used the paintbrush as a tool to express his will to live. Though he continuously endured pain, Popo overcame this struggle to show me that determination and perseverance are qualities that need to be present in my life.
Witnessing Popo overcome the obstacle of pain in order to excel in his painting gave me the strength to study and maintain an A average though sacrifices were necessary. Through my studying I have been accepted to Mu Alpha Theta, a math honor society, the National Honor Society, and the Spanish Honor Society. I have overcome personal obstacles such as shyness; though I knew that a leadership position would require public speaking I still persevered and became the Volunteer Coordinator and continued to overcome my weakness to become the newly-elected President for the Spanish Honor Society. At the beginning of freshman year, I struggled to get used to the course load, but with Popo in the back of my mind, I continued to study, tried my hardest in each of my classes and persevered. In the end, I managed to receive all A’s and learned that perseverance is the key to everything.
Just as Popo painted the sunrise on the empty canvas, I am painting a new picture on my canvas. As the brushstrokes are made forming the amazing colors of burnt red and orange into an amazing picture, I am now the painter cascading the brush across the empty canvas, until finally I have reached my goal of a rising sun.
Prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
Essay:
Burnt orange, yellow and red fill the canvas as the man creates a new landscape scene similar to those of the famous painter, Thomas Kinkade. Secluded in the corner of his office, the man works lively and with near-professional skill. As the painter’s brush cascades the woven fabric, a scene of a sunrise with a lonely cottage fills the frame. This man, whose many paintings have been sold at the nearest crafts store, gathered by friends and family, and displayed in his home, would not cross anyone’s mind when asked who the artist of the painting was. This man was my grandfather.
Affectionately known as Popo, my grandfather embedded in me the importance of perseverance, determination, and a mindset that can take you anywhere. Through Popo, I was able to see what true determination looked like. Popo had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 1976 and had endured the painful side effects ever since. Disabled emotionally and physically, it is amazing that he overcame such a debilitating disease.
Popo picked up the hobby of painting after the life-changing disorder caused him to retire from working as a mechanic. With crippled hands, Popo used the paintbrush as a tool to express his will to live. Though he continuously endured pain, Popo overcame this struggle to show me that determination and perseverance are qualities that need to be present in my life.
Witnessing Popo overcome the obstacle of pain in order to excel in his painting gave me the strength to study and maintain an A average though sacrifices were necessary. Through my studying I have been accepted to Mu Alpha Theta, a math honor society, the National Honor Society, and the Spanish Honor Society. I have overcome personal obstacles such as shyness; though I knew that a leadership position would require public speaking I still persevered and became the Volunteer Coordinator and continued to overcome my weakness to become the newly-elected President for the Spanish Honor Society. At the beginning of freshman year, I struggled to get used to the course load, but with Popo in the back of my mind, I continued to study, tried my hardest in each of my classes and persevered. In the end, I managed to receive all A’s and learned that perseverance is the key to everything.
Just as Popo painted the sunrise on the empty canvas, I am painting a new picture on my canvas. As the brushstrokes are made forming the amazing colors of burnt red and orange into an amazing picture, I am now the painter cascading the brush across the empty canvas, until finally I have reached my goal of a rising sun.