Steven Baxter
New member
How do you feel about opening with vagueness, or in the middle of something? Easy to be cliche, but seems effective if you do it right. Here's an example below, using both of these. Is it interesting, or presumptuous?
"Some strange golden band stretched out, imposing and gleaming, but tarnished by swarms of black specks that massed forward and back. The gold turned to green higher up as immediately as a stripe on a sweater; there was no zone for transition. Higher still, the green bled into aquamarine and different pitches of navy between overlapping, frozen swells that touted sparkling white jewels.
It was an island—a tragically demolished island. I wasn’t sure where we were exactly; the white-railed cruiser had a busted antenna and, without it, our radios could only gasp and gargle half-intelligible messages from the second cruiser a hundred yards behind us. We had left from a dock in southeast Puerto Rico, so logic would tell me that the hazy mass on the horizon was the Isla de Vieques, but in all honesty, I didn’t take logic for shit anymore. I joined the National Guard for cheap college and a paycheck, but what I’d been subjected to in the past week was borderline criminal and I’m sure it violated some bylaw in some handbook, somewhere."
Thanks for your comments!
"Some strange golden band stretched out, imposing and gleaming, but tarnished by swarms of black specks that massed forward and back. The gold turned to green higher up as immediately as a stripe on a sweater; there was no zone for transition. Higher still, the green bled into aquamarine and different pitches of navy between overlapping, frozen swells that touted sparkling white jewels.
It was an island—a tragically demolished island. I wasn’t sure where we were exactly; the white-railed cruiser had a busted antenna and, without it, our radios could only gasp and gargle half-intelligible messages from the second cruiser a hundred yards behind us. We had left from a dock in southeast Puerto Rico, so logic would tell me that the hazy mass on the horizon was the Isla de Vieques, but in all honesty, I didn’t take logic for shit anymore. I joined the National Guard for cheap college and a paycheck, but what I’d been subjected to in the past week was borderline criminal and I’m sure it violated some bylaw in some handbook, somewhere."
Thanks for your comments!