i wrote this for a girl a few months ago and promptly put it away because i didn't like it, but i've decided to unearth it. basically, it's a code with a secret message hidden within a poem.
i'm not going to go into the details of the encryption or the secret message because they're irrelevent, but im posting to see if the poem is any good on its own.
i had to have specific letters in certain points of each line for the code to work, which explains the lack of any real structure. the poem does have a message which relates to the girl. any criticism is welcome. i dunno how much i'd be able to change it, but i really want to know which parts of it aren't any good.
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On closer reflection I can’t help but smile at
How funny this is
That I’m living here in transience
And all who I see, intrepid and brave
Lose themselves not just once, but incessantly
Kindling an untimely optimism in me, one I cannot shake
But over the line and across the floor
Metres away but forever for the hand to tick
That image sways but does not recede
Only the carefree believe a picture tells a thousand worRAB
So I sit here untroubled, under usual pretenses
That amorous glint in your eye
Running unending circles around my mind
And the refusal will come, maybe it will
And how I’ve prepared! For rain or for shine!
But my safety nets will hopefully remain uncalled
Supposing you still catch me when I fall
i'm not going to go into the details of the encryption or the secret message because they're irrelevent, but im posting to see if the poem is any good on its own.
i had to have specific letters in certain points of each line for the code to work, which explains the lack of any real structure. the poem does have a message which relates to the girl. any criticism is welcome. i dunno how much i'd be able to change it, but i really want to know which parts of it aren't any good.
-------
On closer reflection I can’t help but smile at
How funny this is
That I’m living here in transience
And all who I see, intrepid and brave
Lose themselves not just once, but incessantly
Kindling an untimely optimism in me, one I cannot shake
But over the line and across the floor
Metres away but forever for the hand to tick
That image sways but does not recede
Only the carefree believe a picture tells a thousand worRAB
So I sit here untroubled, under usual pretenses
That amorous glint in your eye
Running unending circles around my mind
And the refusal will come, maybe it will
And how I’ve prepared! For rain or for shine!
But my safety nets will hopefully remain uncalled
Supposing you still catch me when I fall