Can't get through day 1

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NearlyInsane

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I have chronic pain and have developed a bit of a vicodin habit. Wanting to stop for at least a couple weeks to get my tolerance down, & it would be nice to go back to only using them for extreme pain situations. What's vicious for me is the double whammy of pain relief + drug euphoria. It's a powerful corabination.

I was good for several years on fentanyl patches, because I couldn't even tell there was a drug in my system. It's when the pain went down enough that I could get off the patches that I started using vicadin more. It's only been a problem the last 2 or 3 months, but I can't seem to make it through a single day without taking any. Horribly frustrating.

What's worse is I wake up every morning w/ back pain, & have to struggle to get up & get in a "do something" mode while fighting cravings and pain. My addicted brain gives me tons of excuses to give in. (it especially likes the back pain excuse). I think if I could just get through a couple of days the cravings would be much less severe, but I'm having such a problem with that. :(

Any helpful advice and/or worRAB of encouragement would be much appreciated.
 
Did you taper down before you stopped? If not, try to taper down to a very low dose before stopping. You still may have some withdrawals, but they will probably be less severe and last less time. The rest is pure mind over matter. You just have to fight your way through the withdrawals and cravings. I hope it works out for you.
 
I've not had any problems with withdrawals yet - at most I was doing 50 mg hydrocodone/day. My problems come from so many different areas, that's what makes it hard. I have panic disorder, plus just generalized anxiety. And depression. And chronic pain (that's way better right now than it's been in years, hence the opportunity to abuse painkillers). And I'm a single mom, w/ ADD, which causes problems w/ my profession (programming). I feel like my whole life I've been walking on a tightrope, trying to keep it all together, & yeah sometimes I use drugs/alcohol to cope.

I just want to escape the anxiety, escape the stress & pressure. And when I do have back pain, I definitely want to escape that too, because I spent too many years wishing I could just die rather than feel that pain 24/7. So now I'm super-sensitive to it instead of being used to it.

I want to just jump back in, do all the things I'm supposed to do, get up in the morning & work. Mow the lawn, take the dogs to the vet, help my daughter w/ her homework, etc. But I always just want to take some vicadin & escape - just for a little while, right? I'll do those things in a couple hours. but I know by now it's an endless cycle. I need therapy. :(

(technically this withdrawal from stressful things is called agorophobia, another of my diagnosis :rolleyes:)
 
I think your last statement may be the reality you are seeking. "I need therapy." (Not said in a bad way). Possibly meditation may help with the anxiety or relaxation techniques. Therapy may help as long as whoever you see doesn't try to use drugs to solve the problem (so many do). I also live with constant pain and I an attempting to find non-opiate ways to cope with it. Some days are good, some aren't. I realize my condition and try my best to cope with it and do what I can when I can. You have many obstacles to overcome, but each can be thought of as a goal. Just don't try to solve them all at once. One step at a time is all you can do.
 
thanks for that. I have tried therapy many times. psychiatrists and psychologists, & haven't found a decent one yet. last psychiatrist I had was horrible - continued to give me my anti-depressent & klonopin (low dose) but always wanted to pull me off the klonopin. it stressed me out to no end. i wasn't abusing it - never have. it gave me back a quality of life & allowed me to keep working without panic attacks. i NEVER abuse benzos because they're too important to me & my ability to function in society. one day she finally pulled the plug & i fell apart. soon after I lost my job, & that's what started the agorophobic nightmare. i know i need to find another psychiatrist and psychologist, but the anxiety & depression keep me in lirabo. i know what I need to do, but can't seem to break out of this cycle of escaping through vicadin & accomplishing nothing. yep, i'm a bundle of issues, & need a good team of docs. unfortunately the only good docs I have are pain management (not the one responsible for all the vicadin, but whom I don't see anymore because i don't need to) & a GP. i do have a plan to see my GP about anxiety/depression & ask for a referral to a shrink, but it's so hard because seeing new shrinks that turn out to be not stellar is crushing & puts me back into a shell-shocked state that's even harder to break out of than where I'm at now. plus I have no insurance.

I do have some tools from my days in therapy & my years studying psychology & anxiety, but i prefer to use vicadin, it's easier. those techniques take effort, & the minute I stop concentrating on them the anxiety comes back. also i think the depression makes me not want to put effort into recovery.

yeah, the thing is i never know which board to post on - addiction or anxiety/depression, or chronic pain, etc. i'm a mess w/ problems that encompass many issues, & they're all related. but right now i know i have to stop taking all this vicadin - otherwise it's only going to increase till I'm taking 200 mg/day, then I'll really be in a pickle!
 
Hi, have you joined NA? (narcotics anonymous) I have a daughter that is an addict sadly. And for her, she could stop the drugs, but learning to "live" without the drugs was the hard part. She had to get to the "addiction" part. NA helped her a lot. She had many relapses and she sadly sold her prescription drugs which landed her in jail.
Addiction is a disease and stopping the medications is just the first step.

I am sure for those with addiction and real pain that is a difficult thing to work through but it can be done.

I wish you the best..
Madison
 
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