Louis de Point du Lac
New member
One can only experience life through pain and, from this pain, discover love and meaning.
Do you still remember it? The day your life shifted totally; the blue skies were dyed orange, the sun was eclipsed, the moon drenched in blood. I will refer to that moment as The Cataclysm. Standing in the shower, you stare blankly at the tanned tiled walls. The hot waters of the showerhead play against your back, temporarily relaxing those tense muscles of yours. The vapors of the steam surround you; it’s slightly difficult to breath. Water drips from your hair and it stings as it falls into your eyes. You’ve been standing for so long that your knees are wobbly and balance is difficult to maintain. But, no, you feel none of this. A single thought pulses through your mind… A fatal thought it is—all consuming, earth-shattering. It says to you,” God is hate. God is fear. God is real. God is unmerciful.”
Too much, too much. Everything you’ve ever known ceases to be in this moment. No more love, no more conformity, no more understanding. No more meaning. You are now but the Devil’s advocate. God mocks you, does he not? Placing you on this Earth with the predetermined destiny of the flames of Hell in death. But you’re dying now, inside. This is not the final death though, regardless of how painful it is. Life goes on, the sun will rise and I shall still be alive to bare witness. Forevermore things will be different, black and white now, a constant cynical stream of thought and prospect on life. No longer do you ask how but why. Why this life, why this pain and death and meaninglessness when it’s all inevitably for nothing. I’m going to Hell; it’s predetermined. No, no meaning at all. No love.
You still stand in the shower, numb. You can feel your faith being siphoned out of you. Do you want to shed tears for its loss? Yes, but the tears are, like everything now, completely void. There’s no more beauty in the relief they bring. In a trance you move along, turning of the showerhead and drying yourself off. Your mind is somewhere else, these towel strokes are routine learned from muscle memory. You go to your room and it’s bedtime, but you sneak the T.V on to watch your favorite late-night/early morning shows.
The thought still rages within you, but what to do, what to do? The facts have been clearly stated for centuries. If God had intended to eradicate it from His Holy Print or to alter its meaning in some way, you’d think He would have accomplished this by now. Despite everything, you cling on to your conviction, or false hope, as I would rather call it.
“Something’s not right with this mess.” You say to yourself. “I need answers.”
And so you search. Books, documentaries, church, the Holy Word, interviews, phiolosphy, history. Nothing is what you find. In the end, your pain is not assuaged but made yet more pronounced. Still you can’t let go of false hope, ever the martyr among many. “There must be something, anything will do. I want proof. I want facts.”
Silly, ignorant CHILD. Nothing is all you will find because nothing is all there was and all that shall ever be.
Thank you for all of your responses-- both the negative and positive.
Do you still remember it? The day your life shifted totally; the blue skies were dyed orange, the sun was eclipsed, the moon drenched in blood. I will refer to that moment as The Cataclysm. Standing in the shower, you stare blankly at the tanned tiled walls. The hot waters of the showerhead play against your back, temporarily relaxing those tense muscles of yours. The vapors of the steam surround you; it’s slightly difficult to breath. Water drips from your hair and it stings as it falls into your eyes. You’ve been standing for so long that your knees are wobbly and balance is difficult to maintain. But, no, you feel none of this. A single thought pulses through your mind… A fatal thought it is—all consuming, earth-shattering. It says to you,” God is hate. God is fear. God is real. God is unmerciful.”
Too much, too much. Everything you’ve ever known ceases to be in this moment. No more love, no more conformity, no more understanding. No more meaning. You are now but the Devil’s advocate. God mocks you, does he not? Placing you on this Earth with the predetermined destiny of the flames of Hell in death. But you’re dying now, inside. This is not the final death though, regardless of how painful it is. Life goes on, the sun will rise and I shall still be alive to bare witness. Forevermore things will be different, black and white now, a constant cynical stream of thought and prospect on life. No longer do you ask how but why. Why this life, why this pain and death and meaninglessness when it’s all inevitably for nothing. I’m going to Hell; it’s predetermined. No, no meaning at all. No love.
You still stand in the shower, numb. You can feel your faith being siphoned out of you. Do you want to shed tears for its loss? Yes, but the tears are, like everything now, completely void. There’s no more beauty in the relief they bring. In a trance you move along, turning of the showerhead and drying yourself off. Your mind is somewhere else, these towel strokes are routine learned from muscle memory. You go to your room and it’s bedtime, but you sneak the T.V on to watch your favorite late-night/early morning shows.
The thought still rages within you, but what to do, what to do? The facts have been clearly stated for centuries. If God had intended to eradicate it from His Holy Print or to alter its meaning in some way, you’d think He would have accomplished this by now. Despite everything, you cling on to your conviction, or false hope, as I would rather call it.
“Something’s not right with this mess.” You say to yourself. “I need answers.”
And so you search. Books, documentaries, church, the Holy Word, interviews, phiolosphy, history. Nothing is what you find. In the end, your pain is not assuaged but made yet more pronounced. Still you can’t let go of false hope, ever the martyr among many. “There must be something, anything will do. I want proof. I want facts.”
Silly, ignorant CHILD. Nothing is all you will find because nothing is all there was and all that shall ever be.
Thank you for all of your responses-- both the negative and positive.