Can you please help me improve a poem?

K

Kate Alex Bahleef

New member
Is it necessary to have every second line-"This Demon"?
"Giving the fear THAT tomorrow may not be here." makes more sense than" THE tomorrow" etc.
Every other line is what the demon is doing. Some are weaker statement than others.
This is a good start and you are thinking up horrible things for your demon to be doing. Try to describe how sneaky it is.
Tell it you are onto what is happening. Maybe the demon is just your own thoughts tricking you. May be it is a friend who is not really a friend?
 
this is for my highschool english class its a free style poem and we pretty much could do whatever but i want mine to be good. Tell me where i could improve and where it is good please.


"This Demon"

This demon
Tearing apart families, friends, and loved ones
This demon
Although you may make some strong the end this journey isn't fun
This demon
Giving the fear the tomorrow may not be here
This demon
Changing people and causing others to tear.
This demon
You eat them up inside
This demon
Stop this crazy insane ride
This demon
taking the strong away
This demon
Please, i pray that you will just go away.


rest in peace;; <33
 
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