I had a different poem planned, but it was a bit taken from another poem so i have this poem instead.
Can you give an suggestions and improvement for it.
Thank you.
When one is born they see the light.
When one dies they see what’s truly right.
When the winter shadows round, creep the mountains.
I am the wind that shall blow.
And the diamond glints in the snow.
When one crawls from one nights slumber.
I will be the stars singing Nyx’s song.
And your conscious sense of right or wrong
Somewhere in the middle, we lose the spirit world and cry.
But let yourself go and see the real, you cannot die
When summer comes and the red road sees no end.
I will be your awed eyes.
And your love that’s built on sighs.
When the mighty sun sets high over the mountain.
Do not cry for time that’s almost gone, think of the wander.
For now the path is ever longer.
Life is narrow. So try not to veer of the path.
stay with me, and let life be life, so laugh.
Can you give an suggestions and improvement for it.
Thank you.
When one is born they see the light.
When one dies they see what’s truly right.
When the winter shadows round, creep the mountains.
I am the wind that shall blow.
And the diamond glints in the snow.
When one crawls from one nights slumber.
I will be the stars singing Nyx’s song.
And your conscious sense of right or wrong
Somewhere in the middle, we lose the spirit world and cry.
But let yourself go and see the real, you cannot die
When summer comes and the red road sees no end.
I will be your awed eyes.
And your love that’s built on sighs.
When the mighty sun sets high over the mountain.
Do not cry for time that’s almost gone, think of the wander.
For now the path is ever longer.
Life is narrow. So try not to veer of the path.
stay with me, and let life be life, so laugh.