Can you help me with this poem?

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LOSER

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So, last night I decided to throw off writer's block and put together a new poem. After two long hours with my trusty thesaurus in hand, I found a new poem on my page. I like the poem, but I am not sure what to make of it yet. I think it has a few coherency issues. Also, I am not certain of the rhythm. Does it flow properly? Oh well, just tell me what you think and give me suggestions on how to fix it, please?

Is There Truth?

Is there truth in the eyes of the dying,
or do men deceive themselves to the grave?
Does the spirit escape for the body?
In the end, does it pay to b brave?

Man, the everlasting victim of self-loathing,
consumes himself and others to find liberation.
Pain, the only omnipresent phenomenon,
takes many forms to ensure annihilation.

Never once does the destroyer find life;
only the man who accepts suffering can transcend.
For evading misery is an impossibility,
but with effort pain’s power man can rend.

Then truth must be man’s ammunition
to use in battle against tribulation.
With strong spirit precision, and tenacity,
man brings pain to subjugation.

Is there truth in the eyes of the independent?
Do the liars understand their despondency?
Does deception define all their essence?
Do they cause truth’s fatality?

Does the spirit leave the cadaver,
or is it lost within its host?
Is there just one earth for man,
or is death to life as ocean to coast?
 
wow, thats good. ha.

uhmm, i dont think you need help on it :D
and yes, it flow smoothly.
so good work on that.(:

just one tip - just use easier words just so people could
understand it, but overall, its good.
(:
 
I think it has a great message, but some people just might not absorb it. The successive stream of large words may be a turn-off to some people, and it might dampen the extraordinary voice you have. Don't force your writing; keep it simple and see what happens.

Hope I helped!

♥
 
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