Can you give your opinion on this poem i wrote?

  • Thread starter Thread starter mahboob.hashmi
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mahboob.hashmi

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it's about the power of musicians and writers

'Kite Flyer

Shadows,
like Plato’s theory,
condense, form on my wall
The wall of my cranium,
of the forms, and eikasia, and doxa, the neoton, the horaton,

The bullsh*t.

Hard rock fuse with melodious screech of viola
And violin and bass,
Strumming the strings of my heart

Of being, of existing
Of thinking, of knowing

Of killing.
Of destroying.

Furious red, mellow yellow
Syrupy gold and breezy blue,
Miasmic chemicals tantalising nerves

Verbous nounsical adjectivos
Prearrange, rearrange, re-rearrange
Until like a master al-chemist

Subtle control,
miasma clears
To Pure,
Brilliant,
White,

Emotion'


thnks
any opinions welcomed, but constructive ones preferred ;)
 
The "strumming on the strings of my heart" bit is a bit cheesy.
Aside from that not bad; not really sure what you were aiming for though.
 
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