Can you critique my poem? It's called "Brown Eyes".?

Elfy

New member
Your round brown eyeballs examine me in the shade;
I squint through your manners and almost see someone caged there.
Behind the genuinely fake smile of pity and pretended alliance,
I catch your sympathy as it slips over the surface
of my otherwise lusterless face.
The concept of you
as a sentimental temperamental mortal creature...

The poet is powerless to describe the discomfort.

Now we sit, barely respecting (respectively baring),
and I cannot interpret your elegantly concealed identity.
I now fantasise, for lack of knowledge,
building your majestic life beyond the realms of reality,
and placing my despair on a trembling tower of sand.
While we both sit, guarding and straining,
over our assumptions.
 
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