can i get a comment on my poem?

LOVE:
The gaping hole in my heart
the feeling I get when we're apart
with lack of it my heart is empty
with you in my arms I feel it plenty
seeing you with him makes me want to cry
I cant contain it no matter how much I try
it may seem crazy but I believe
the two of us are meant to be
right now you maybe blind to that
but right now you're where my mind is at
right now, however, you're with him
and my chances for love are looking grim
I wish the pain would go away
but unfortunately to my dismay
true love is full of pain
its like thunder with no rain
some people give up, but not me
I still believe we're meant to be
no matter how much it hurts, true love waits
I really cannot contemplate
my feelings for you are mighty strong
I think about you all day long
but alas true love can wait for me
for as they say, if you love something set it free
so for now I bid you adieu
but never will I stop loving you

or


HURT:
You’ve hurt me in many ways.
Ways in which you cant understand.
I’m tired of this cat and mouse chase.
I wish you’d just come into my arms.

Can’t you see you make me blue?
I’m tired of all this heartache.
Can’t you see I love you?
I wish you could find the light in my eyes.

I cant stand to see you with him.
I wish you’d see all the faults in him.
Every day my chances grow slim.
I wish you’d quit loving him.

I see you walking down the hall.
Your hand nestled in his.
I honestly feel like I’ve been mauled.
My heart shatters into a billion pieces.

You may not know it now.
But you honestly did.
I don’t even know if you know how.
But you hurt me deeply.



which do you think is better?
 
Back
Top