Helloooo nurse
New member
They say you mirror/expect behaviors from your parents and the environment you grow up in; daughters often marry their fathers and sons eventually turn into their fathers. I grew up in a lonely household with a mentally/emotionally/(sometimes) physically father. He was a toxic person and still is to this day. He belittled my mom/sister and I was/is controlling, possessive, mean (put downs), threatening... little things will set him off. He blamed us for so many things and used the guilt trip method in making us feel worse. He's insecure and completely dependent on my mother. I have no respect for him as man - I see him as a weak, little boy who has never grown up mentally. He is a man who has no integrity or courage...and it's sad. My sister and I are adults today and he still is full of drama and negative energy.
A few years ago, I was in a bad situation with a guy and went to a counselor. Turns out he was one big example of my dad - he was abusive in all aspects...made me feel guilty because I never gave in physically. With that awareness, all the guys in my past had some sort of connection to my dad. My first bf in high school was an only child (like my dad) and depended on me like he depended on my mom... other guys in my past would criticize me, insecure, had no backbone, etc... all major characteristics of my dad. I'm alot older, wiser, and have learned from ALL (good and bad) experiences for guys/dating. I've always been single and am currently focusing on myself and what I really want (as i had said, I want a MAN of integrity who will love and respect me... unlike my dad). I'm scared that I won't be able to break this cycle. I'm aware and that's all that matters but I don't want to settle for someone like my dad...is it possible to get someone who's NOT like my dad?
Also, they say a good indicator of a good guy is his relationship with his dad - if he's estranged from him, he'll have "daddy issues"... if he never had a strong male influence in his life, it's a red flag. I feel like I've never had a strong male influence and w. this...i'm concerned with how I'll choose a guy.
A few years ago, I was in a bad situation with a guy and went to a counselor. Turns out he was one big example of my dad - he was abusive in all aspects...made me feel guilty because I never gave in physically. With that awareness, all the guys in my past had some sort of connection to my dad. My first bf in high school was an only child (like my dad) and depended on me like he depended on my mom... other guys in my past would criticize me, insecure, had no backbone, etc... all major characteristics of my dad. I'm alot older, wiser, and have learned from ALL (good and bad) experiences for guys/dating. I've always been single and am currently focusing on myself and what I really want (as i had said, I want a MAN of integrity who will love and respect me... unlike my dad). I'm scared that I won't be able to break this cycle. I'm aware and that's all that matters but I don't want to settle for someone like my dad...is it possible to get someone who's NOT like my dad?
Also, they say a good indicator of a good guy is his relationship with his dad - if he's estranged from him, he'll have "daddy issues"... if he never had a strong male influence in his life, it's a red flag. I feel like I've never had a strong male influence and w. this...i'm concerned with how I'll choose a guy.