I'll shake and disappear
New member
I recently (two months) discovered I'm gay at the age of nineteen. Now before you say maybe your bi or you can't be sure, let me tell you that I am sexually aroused by a naked man (via the glorious internet) and never a naked woman (even if I tried hard nothing). In my book that is gay and I accept that...to a degree.
I literally never had a crush on a guy ever always girls. Interestingly there was never a sexual fantasy about them and I didn't notice this omission, obviously, until now. Anyway I'm gay now and I really want to embrace that but there remains this unshakable ambivalence towards it. For example I can watch gay porn and be really aroused then in the middle of watching feel really awkward and borderline disgusted by some scenes. However I'm not "on & off" disgusted by lesbian porn at all (neither am I aroused at all) or straight porn ( most likely because I been watching it since the start never noticing by the way that I was subconsciously focusing on the guy).
Also I'm don't feel that comfortable checking out guys. I love watching the ufc and boxing and so it feels weird to check out a guy and then watch the ufc or boxing and turn off that switch. I mean I prefer hanging out with straight guys I've been doing that my whole life. It would feel creepy to just start checking out every guy I see now. I mean when I'm out people automatically put me in the straight box and to tell you the truth I'm kinda comfortable there.
Look I 've tons more to say if any one can relate (only if you can relate) I'd love to start some kinda rapport via email.
I have a therapist (STRAIGHT) but i think i need to here from someone like me to talk to.
I literally never had a crush on a guy ever always girls. Interestingly there was never a sexual fantasy about them and I didn't notice this omission, obviously, until now. Anyway I'm gay now and I really want to embrace that but there remains this unshakable ambivalence towards it. For example I can watch gay porn and be really aroused then in the middle of watching feel really awkward and borderline disgusted by some scenes. However I'm not "on & off" disgusted by lesbian porn at all (neither am I aroused at all) or straight porn ( most likely because I been watching it since the start never noticing by the way that I was subconsciously focusing on the guy).
Also I'm don't feel that comfortable checking out guys. I love watching the ufc and boxing and so it feels weird to check out a guy and then watch the ufc or boxing and turn off that switch. I mean I prefer hanging out with straight guys I've been doing that my whole life. It would feel creepy to just start checking out every guy I see now. I mean when I'm out people automatically put me in the straight box and to tell you the truth I'm kinda comfortable there.
Look I 've tons more to say if any one can relate (only if you can relate) I'd love to start some kinda rapport via email.
I have a therapist (STRAIGHT) but i think i need to here from someone like me to talk to.