bride excludes grooms sister in wedding?

[sadsister]

My Brother, my only sibling is getting married in a few months. We were always very close growing up and still are as adults. My brother and his future wife have been dating for over 6 years (high school sweethearts). When I was planning my wedding 6 years ago, I told my brother that I wanted him in the wedding party, at my husbands request also. At that time my brother and his future wife's relationship was new. But I made sure to include her in something for my wedding. I didn't include her as a bridesmaid because I had already picked my MOH and bridesmaids, and they started dating about 1 month before my wedding. My party was picked 8 months before they started dating. We were all just getting to know her, but over the past 6 years we have become the best of friends and we have included each other in everything. They got engaged last year and I was so happy for them. I knew that my brother was going to propose and I was the first person that she called, after her parents and only sister. My brother phoned one day and said that he picked his Best Man (his best friend since age 2) and 3 groomsmen, including my husband. I asked him if his Fiance had picked her's, and he told me she did. I never asked who, because I thought it was not polite, but I thought to myself that if my brother asked my husband to be a groomsman that she would ask me to be a bridesmaid. She never did. Naturally, her only sister will be MOH, and she picked her best friend and two ladies that she works with. She only knew them for 5 weeks when she asked them. When my mom asked her why she picked ladies that she just met, she said that she didn't know anybody else. Silently I was shocked and so hurt. I have stayed silent during their engagement with a polite smile on my face. Then my brother phoned me one day to tell me that his bride to be got into a fight with one of her bridesmaids, a coworker and asked her not to be in her wedding party anymore. I never asked who she would replace her with, I was just there for my brother as he talked. She even phoned me at work after that happened, and thanked me for listening, and she said that she didn't know what she would do without me. I was shocked when I found out that she replaced her ousted bridesmaid with a high school friend that she hasn't seen in over 5 years. I don't know why she didn't ask me. We have gotten along so good, and we have never even had a fight, ever. I consider her one of my best friends in the world. My brother has told me over the years that she considers me like a sister. We are always there for each other. I am so crushed that she has excluded me. I was at her bridal shower last weekend and I heard her and her sister talking about her stagette the night before the wedding. I wasn't invited, but I thought to myself maybe they were just starting to plan it. So I never thought anything of it. I went up to her later and I said that if she needed help with anything for the wedding to please tell me what, and I will do it...She said, I think I'm good. Then I was at their house for a short visit, (I live 2 hours away) and when they thought that I still upstairs I heard my brother say to his bride, "she's going to find out about the stagette someday, I just don't understand why you won't invite her, she's not even in the wedding...I'm sure she's already crushed at that...so it l will really crush her that you refuse to invite her out with the girls for your stagette..." and she said "I said no, I don't want your sister involved in anything..its our wedding and I said no"....My heart sank. I couldn't believe how she was talking. I've never heard her talk like that ever. If it was something that I did, I'm not aware. I have gone 6 years thinking that she was my best friend. Its only weeks to the wedding, but I don't want to say anything, because it would stress my brother out. I don't want anything to ruin their wedding because its my brothers day too. But I so badly want to find out what is going on. Should I wait and say something after the wedding, or should I confront her now. Or should I NEVER say anything ever. its really not about, not being a bridesmaid, its about why she all of a sudden has this hatred towards me.

 

[itsjaney!]

In the end its their wedding, there is no rule even an unspoken one that says just because you include someone in your wedding party they have to put you in theirs. If its really bothering you ask your brother now but in the end it's just going to make him feel bad (it already seems that way). Try asking him or her after the wedding what was the deal and why did she talk about you in that way because it really hurt you to hear that. But don't press too much on how it made you feel because in the end it just might make him feel guilty that you felt that way because apparently she doesn't care how you feel if she is blowing you off like this. If you talk to her ask if there was anything that you did or said and that made her say that. Most likely she will deny it but at least you tried. If you do talk to either of them try not ot be upset about why you weren't in the wedding party but focus on why she is leaving you out of things if she considers you so close to her. I think the best thing to do is too forget it because you might put a strain on the relationship and when families dont get along it just makes things worse for everyone.

 

[Lady of the Lake]

i cannot believe how horrible all this is. i can imagine how hurt you are and i know i personally would not have the self control to have behaved so calmly and admirably after knowing these things.

i understand you don't want to upset your brother before the wedding but i think you need to confront these issues as soon as possible. it's not your fault and you have every right to know what is going on and why you are being used and mistreated. but i don't think it is fair to your brother to make him the middle man. i think you should confront his wife to be personally.

i would just go to her and bring it all up, get it all out. they can't expect you to just suffer in silence, you deserve better than that.
tell her you were hurt by her not asking you to be a bridesmaid, then you were hurt again when she did not ask for you to replace the bridesmaid she fought with and now you know she not only doesn't want you at the stagette night but does not want you involved in the wedding at all and you want to know why when for 6 years you have been best friends and she has never said anything to your face why is she treating you like this behind your back?
you DESERVE an answer to this. you are not the one causing drama, she is by not being up front and honest.
if i were you i wouldn't even go to the wedding. i would expect my brother to sort this woman out if it meant anything to him for me to be there but i understand why you wouldn't do that.
i think before you can make your next move you need to know where you stand so just ask her. you shouldn't have to bottle all this up and pretend everything is ok because it is not. it is not ok for her to treat you like this and you deserve to know why. good luck, i hope you have better people in your life than this woman.