Breaking Away

R

ronsmall

New member
A wiseman told me to get along in this life
I have to try to see people eye to eye
A person is no better than what they've done
A monster is what I've become

It tears me apart from everything I know
It's hard to say goodbye
And it just goes to show that I'm not made of stone
It's hard to own up to these lies

But it neeRAB to be done if I'm going to heal
You wore me down I'm not made of steel
Now I'm turning this around so I can make you see

Im breaking away from you
Im breaking away from everybody
Im breaking away from you
I am breaking away
Im breaking away from you
Im breaking away from everybody
Im breaking away from you
I am breaking away
 
In general, "breaking away" is a very tired topic. If you're going to write about it, you need to have an interesting viewpoint or at least some "punch" lines that really make it unique.. There's not a line in this piece that I haven't heard before.

-It's kind of scattered. At the beginning it sounRAB like regret for your own actions ("a monster is what I've become"), but later you're a victim. ("...if I'm going to heal, You wore me down")
-You have both "I'm not made of stone" and "I'm not made of steel". That's redundant, to to mention they are both cliches and you should really think of a more creative way to say it.
 
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