hmmm...
So pretty much the only thing Nick and I have fought about since being in Richmond …- I realized this a few days ago because it was the FIRST thing we fought about - was this name in his phone book …..Stephanie* and when i brought it up the first time - whos Stephanie* - he LIED and told me it was this girl he bought pot from like a yr ago….. ok.then stephanie disapperaed and this name appearaed in his phone book -DREW> so for forever i thought his texts from this kid drew was a sincere guy. never even thought much of it - even when i saw that they had made plans to hang out before class - but then… RANDOMLY (guess it ended up being INTUITION/GUT feeling ) i had this idea that that guys might put girls #s under a guys name- very deceiving if you ask me….. no offense but a MAN is in charge and tells his babe - im friends with this girl and if you dont like it too bad, it doesnt mean anythings (honestly) and therefore i’m not hiding it from you (which is weird if you DO hide it …….. when this issue got brought up again, he DID tell me he was texting a girl from class no big deal)… but then i knew something was NOT RIGHT and i looked at his phone and BAM that kid he was texting - ‘the girl’ - was under DREW. a fucking dudes name. and when i asked about who he was going to a an after school cuttin session he said it was his 30yr ld friend Andrew but when i saw his texts it was between him and ‘Drew’ aka Stephanie about the afterschool thing. So its hard to know when hes being truthful - cause when i first confronted him about Drrew- being Stephaniehe he LIED for like an hour+ that i was wrong (plus i remembered when he said that it was his dealer from way back when - when it was a current girl from his new class) then i was like i fuckingg have proof. so its hard to believe him idk. and when i confronted him today and told him i knew he was goin with the girl he said no its andrew. i just feel like he tells so many white lies its hard knowing hwat to belive anymore ESPECIALLY when i was first hurt by this situation TWICE
a. three months ago when i asked who steph. was and he said an old drugdealer that he hadnt talkd to in months
b. the 2nd time i brought it up he said he wasnt going to that class with the girl bu t the 40yr old but i saw the text that said he WAS goin with ‘Drew’ the girl uhg.
so screw me if i snooped - but its only because i was so desperate from my almost 4yr relationship with my boyfriend - that i knew that was the ONLY way to get what i KNEW was fucking TRUE. I have a great sense of intuition and i follow it more than anything -especially since what i thought was the truest relationship can’t be trusted. so fuck that. he seems sincere and that the only reason he white lied was to spare me but i feel so messed up right now i don’t know what to believe, since he skipped the after school session, and when said hey dont you have that knife skill session he was like ‘oh its next week’ and when i saw his txt to “Drew” he said ’ hey i forgot i cant go this sat’ …. but this sat he’s going and he didnt spend the nite cause he doesnt want me to know she is picking him up to go…. i am so frustrated and with this white lying that he might think is making thing s better (cuz hes sparing my feelings) which is making things WORSE i just cant deal i guess……
what do you think of this whole situation. because i told my bf tonight that if he cant start being open in this relationship then we are both wasting our time. no relationship can grow if you aren’t vulnerable, and are ready to share your soul with the other and accept your faults (because NO human is perfect EVER. don’t care who you are you HAVE faults) and accept them and growwww past them . I told him if after 4yrs he cant do that with me then honestly where is this going. Because when I started dating him i gave up my bestfriend (not intentionally she had a baby.. so being a mom is a full-time job) so since that tradeoff i have had no one to share my opinions with, and a boyfriend/etc needs to be a best friend AND a lover. because its so hard to juggle a bf AND a bf, they ultimately have to be one or none. and if they can only be one then you have to question that relationship honestly.
But also when i told him all this he told me "so what if i made two friends in culinary school and one is a girl big deal.you mean more to me than anybody i'll ever meet there and if thats enough than i dunno what else to say." ... so i guess my REAL question. is are my issues from inner issues of abandonment (where i love meeting someone, but then at the drop of a time replaced by someone 'foreign' and new and 'interesting' ... its just hard to believe because its happened in every stage of my life...) ,,,,, OR are they sincere gut feelings that i should pay attention to because with the way he's white lied to me its so hard to tell what is the truth.
So pretty much the only thing Nick and I have fought about since being in Richmond …- I realized this a few days ago because it was the FIRST thing we fought about - was this name in his phone book …..Stephanie* and when i brought it up the first time - whos Stephanie* - he LIED and told me it was this girl he bought pot from like a yr ago….. ok.then stephanie disapperaed and this name appearaed in his phone book -DREW> so for forever i thought his texts from this kid drew was a sincere guy. never even thought much of it - even when i saw that they had made plans to hang out before class - but then… RANDOMLY (guess it ended up being INTUITION/GUT feeling ) i had this idea that that guys might put girls #s under a guys name- very deceiving if you ask me….. no offense but a MAN is in charge and tells his babe - im friends with this girl and if you dont like it too bad, it doesnt mean anythings (honestly) and therefore i’m not hiding it from you (which is weird if you DO hide it …….. when this issue got brought up again, he DID tell me he was texting a girl from class no big deal)… but then i knew something was NOT RIGHT and i looked at his phone and BAM that kid he was texting - ‘the girl’ - was under DREW. a fucking dudes name. and when i asked about who he was going to a an after school cuttin session he said it was his 30yr ld friend Andrew but when i saw his texts it was between him and ‘Drew’ aka Stephanie about the afterschool thing. So its hard to know when hes being truthful - cause when i first confronted him about Drrew- being Stephaniehe he LIED for like an hour+ that i was wrong (plus i remembered when he said that it was his dealer from way back when - when it was a current girl from his new class) then i was like i fuckingg have proof. so its hard to believe him idk. and when i confronted him today and told him i knew he was goin with the girl he said no its andrew. i just feel like he tells so many white lies its hard knowing hwat to belive anymore ESPECIALLY when i was first hurt by this situation TWICE
a. three months ago when i asked who steph. was and he said an old drugdealer that he hadnt talkd to in months
b. the 2nd time i brought it up he said he wasnt going to that class with the girl bu t the 40yr old but i saw the text that said he WAS goin with ‘Drew’ the girl uhg.
so screw me if i snooped - but its only because i was so desperate from my almost 4yr relationship with my boyfriend - that i knew that was the ONLY way to get what i KNEW was fucking TRUE. I have a great sense of intuition and i follow it more than anything -especially since what i thought was the truest relationship can’t be trusted. so fuck that. he seems sincere and that the only reason he white lied was to spare me but i feel so messed up right now i don’t know what to believe, since he skipped the after school session, and when said hey dont you have that knife skill session he was like ‘oh its next week’ and when i saw his txt to “Drew” he said ’ hey i forgot i cant go this sat’ …. but this sat he’s going and he didnt spend the nite cause he doesnt want me to know she is picking him up to go…. i am so frustrated and with this white lying that he might think is making thing s better (cuz hes sparing my feelings) which is making things WORSE i just cant deal i guess……
what do you think of this whole situation. because i told my bf tonight that if he cant start being open in this relationship then we are both wasting our time. no relationship can grow if you aren’t vulnerable, and are ready to share your soul with the other and accept your faults (because NO human is perfect EVER. don’t care who you are you HAVE faults) and accept them and growwww past them . I told him if after 4yrs he cant do that with me then honestly where is this going. Because when I started dating him i gave up my bestfriend (not intentionally she had a baby.. so being a mom is a full-time job) so since that tradeoff i have had no one to share my opinions with, and a boyfriend/etc needs to be a best friend AND a lover. because its so hard to juggle a bf AND a bf, they ultimately have to be one or none. and if they can only be one then you have to question that relationship honestly.
But also when i told him all this he told me "so what if i made two friends in culinary school and one is a girl big deal.you mean more to me than anybody i'll ever meet there and if thats enough than i dunno what else to say." ... so i guess my REAL question. is are my issues from inner issues of abandonment (where i love meeting someone, but then at the drop of a time replaced by someone 'foreign' and new and 'interesting' ... its just hard to believe because its happened in every stage of my life...) ,,,,, OR are they sincere gut feelings that i should pay attention to because with the way he's white lied to me its so hard to tell what is the truth.