C
cyclgrrl
Guest
I am attached to a Brigade that is in many ways extremely talented. I didn't realize, however, that they (senior staff) are also elitist and can be cruel.
I found out when after a couple of minor missteps (the kind of things that you usually just get a 'word to the wise' about when you are new and learning the ropes) I was shunned from the group.
The real reason is that I obviously don't 'fit in' to their inner circle. There are certain types that they tend to like - in females, it is those who are naturally subordinate, admiring and blend in - pack animals. I"m not a rebel - but I'm independent by nature, I definitely can admire talent - but not in a giggly, girlish way. Despite my best efforts, I don't blend in and I"m not a pack animal. I can be my best self, but I can't change who I am.
Now I don't get to go out on missions with the staff, a project I handed in is ignored, people don't say hello unless they have to... I'm basically persona non grata (a nobody).
My work (doing research for the army) requires being in close contact and going outside the wire alot. However now all that is more difficult. My opportunities to learn and contribute have been limited.
One more thing - it's been emotionally devastating. People that I thought were my professional friends now act like I don't exist. I was very down for a couple of weeks (crying when alone, curling up in a ball - no, I'm not fragile, so no worries there, but still it hurt ALOT) - now I"m just numb. My motivation is gone.
I have a couple of people who I've talked to on Brigade - who have told me that this is the dark side of intelligence and talent - the staff can be extremely exclusionary, vindictive, cruel, etc. As one person put it "You can go from hero to zero in a moment'.
This isn't forever. The BDE rips in September and I'll be working with the new BDE or transferred to Division. (I'm a researcher - army civilian).
I'm out of country and far from family and friends. I don't want advice about who to talk to here in theater. I've already talked to the couple of people I trust.
There isn't much to do - no-one to complain to b/c senior staff (including command) is behind it. I'm just doing my work and biding my time - its just emotionally very hard. My trust is gone and won't come back, even if it blows over to some degree (like my friend says - if I"m allowed to go from 'Siberia' to 'The Bering Straits' - it would be humorous, if it wasn't so sad).
>>What I would soooo appreciate is if anyone has had similar experiences (in the military or in another setting) and can share about them and how they got through emotionally and professionally.<<
I just need some help so I can get through the next three months.
This was long. Thanks alot for reading and for anything you may want to share.
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To the first person who answered - there are no identifying details in my account, and the question will be hidden once it is answered. Not whining, just reaching out.
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Jennifer, thanks (an army civilian, not a soldier) you are so kind.
OIFVET - thanks so much for your kind words. Yes, part of it was that the person who 'sharpshooted me' to others was a female, jealous of her territory with the males - even if she isn't actually fooling around. I was a threat in some way. Thanks again for your words. Yes, I'm doing my work and 'soldiering through'.
.
I found out when after a couple of minor missteps (the kind of things that you usually just get a 'word to the wise' about when you are new and learning the ropes) I was shunned from the group.
The real reason is that I obviously don't 'fit in' to their inner circle. There are certain types that they tend to like - in females, it is those who are naturally subordinate, admiring and blend in - pack animals. I"m not a rebel - but I'm independent by nature, I definitely can admire talent - but not in a giggly, girlish way. Despite my best efforts, I don't blend in and I"m not a pack animal. I can be my best self, but I can't change who I am.
Now I don't get to go out on missions with the staff, a project I handed in is ignored, people don't say hello unless they have to... I'm basically persona non grata (a nobody).
My work (doing research for the army) requires being in close contact and going outside the wire alot. However now all that is more difficult. My opportunities to learn and contribute have been limited.
One more thing - it's been emotionally devastating. People that I thought were my professional friends now act like I don't exist. I was very down for a couple of weeks (crying when alone, curling up in a ball - no, I'm not fragile, so no worries there, but still it hurt ALOT) - now I"m just numb. My motivation is gone.
I have a couple of people who I've talked to on Brigade - who have told me that this is the dark side of intelligence and talent - the staff can be extremely exclusionary, vindictive, cruel, etc. As one person put it "You can go from hero to zero in a moment'.
This isn't forever. The BDE rips in September and I'll be working with the new BDE or transferred to Division. (I'm a researcher - army civilian).
I'm out of country and far from family and friends. I don't want advice about who to talk to here in theater. I've already talked to the couple of people I trust.
There isn't much to do - no-one to complain to b/c senior staff (including command) is behind it. I'm just doing my work and biding my time - its just emotionally very hard. My trust is gone and won't come back, even if it blows over to some degree (like my friend says - if I"m allowed to go from 'Siberia' to 'The Bering Straits' - it would be humorous, if it wasn't so sad).
>>What I would soooo appreciate is if anyone has had similar experiences (in the military or in another setting) and can share about them and how they got through emotionally and professionally.<<
I just need some help so I can get through the next three months.
This was long. Thanks alot for reading and for anything you may want to share.
.
.
To the first person who answered - there are no identifying details in my account, and the question will be hidden once it is answered. Not whining, just reaching out.
.
.
Jennifer, thanks (an army civilian, not a soldier) you are so kind.
OIFVET - thanks so much for your kind words. Yes, part of it was that the person who 'sharpshooted me' to others was a female, jealous of her territory with the males - even if she isn't actually fooling around. I was a threat in some way. Thanks again for your words. Yes, I'm doing my work and 'soldiering through'.
.