I'm a little crazy lately, and am having insane mood swings. I think all this has been triggered by stress from school, and I've been getting really behind when I normally am a 'top student'. I've always tried so hard to be good and perfect. I always thought I was so sane and was so sure never in my right mind would I even consider doing anything like this. But now my thoughts are so different and I feel so trapped and I really just want to dive into something and not have to care about anything anymore. I know the risks, and I know I won't do them, but the fact that I keep thinking about it and wishing for it is really worrying and upsetting me! I have the same thoughts about death a bit.. I couldn't kill myself but I get random images of myself letting myself fall down a stair case or jumping out the car or just being dead sometimes. How do I stop thinking like this? At the same time I don't want to let go of the desire, and become who I was when I wasn't so messed up. And I want to be hopeless so I don't have to try anymore.. But I want to want not to be like this, if that makes sense.
Help? I'm so confused.
Help? I'm so confused.