Magpie of Eden
New member
Ok so we've been living in a small studio flat in a shared house for the past 3 months and its been hard at times, we've had nuisance neighbours who are really loud and keep us awake a lot. I have to get up at 6am for work (sometimes earlier) and so does he, he works 12 hour shifts and is normally shattered when he gets home.
This is making us both stressed out and tired, which in turn contributes to rows.
(We're overcoming a bad period anyway - this time last year he hurt me A LOT and we spent a few days apart. I thought our marriage was over. Long story short, he got v confused about things, about us, his feelings for me etc. He became depressed and got involved with someone he works with and developed feelings for her. This hurt me big time because he lied a lot and said very cruel things. He never physically cheated on me, but it was like an emotional affair because he allowed himself to have feelings for her.) That was a year ago and we've moved on a lot, we're a lot stronger now and communicate more. He says he loves me every day and is sorry for the hurt he caused.
Anyway, I still have really bad days when I can't help but re-live the hurt and pain, it took a long time for trust to build itself up again and sometimes I get paranoid it will all happen again.
He told me the other night he was going to spend the day at his mum's on his next day off to help her with some painting, decorating and stuff. I said fine, no problems. Then he said "and I'm going to stay the night round there too. I need a decent night's sleep."
Ok...so I was a bit hurt that he didn't come to me and ask if I MINDED - he just told me, straight out, he was doing it.
I said "oh that's charming, you're spending the night round your mum's without even asking me how I feel and leaving me alone here in this place - thanks a lot."
We got into this row, he said I was being stupid and it didn't mean he doesn't love me. He said I was giving him a hard time, I said I don't understand why he couldn't have just asked me if I minded or not!! I mean, we're married, we should stay together. Why does he want to spend the night away from me?
Sometimes I feel like I'd like to go spend the night at my mum's house to get a peaceful night's sleep, but I wouldn't just bugger off and leave my husband alone. I think he's being selfish.
Am I over-reacting? Who's in the right?
It just seems like he has no respect for my feelings on the subject and especially after everything we went through, I forgave him for a lot and he has promised since then to respect me more. Like I said I still get paranoid days and I'm just anxious at the thought of him spending a night away from me.
Tell me if I'm being a stupid psycho bunny boiler.
Mikey - thanks for your "help" but it is NOT all about me. I always put him first and I would walk through fire for him. I've forgiven him for a LOT and if your partner ever lies to your face and cheats and breaks your heart, you'll understand how I feel.
This is making us both stressed out and tired, which in turn contributes to rows.
(We're overcoming a bad period anyway - this time last year he hurt me A LOT and we spent a few days apart. I thought our marriage was over. Long story short, he got v confused about things, about us, his feelings for me etc. He became depressed and got involved with someone he works with and developed feelings for her. This hurt me big time because he lied a lot and said very cruel things. He never physically cheated on me, but it was like an emotional affair because he allowed himself to have feelings for her.) That was a year ago and we've moved on a lot, we're a lot stronger now and communicate more. He says he loves me every day and is sorry for the hurt he caused.
Anyway, I still have really bad days when I can't help but re-live the hurt and pain, it took a long time for trust to build itself up again and sometimes I get paranoid it will all happen again.
He told me the other night he was going to spend the day at his mum's on his next day off to help her with some painting, decorating and stuff. I said fine, no problems. Then he said "and I'm going to stay the night round there too. I need a decent night's sleep."
Ok...so I was a bit hurt that he didn't come to me and ask if I MINDED - he just told me, straight out, he was doing it.
I said "oh that's charming, you're spending the night round your mum's without even asking me how I feel and leaving me alone here in this place - thanks a lot."
We got into this row, he said I was being stupid and it didn't mean he doesn't love me. He said I was giving him a hard time, I said I don't understand why he couldn't have just asked me if I minded or not!! I mean, we're married, we should stay together. Why does he want to spend the night away from me?
Sometimes I feel like I'd like to go spend the night at my mum's house to get a peaceful night's sleep, but I wouldn't just bugger off and leave my husband alone. I think he's being selfish.
Am I over-reacting? Who's in the right?
It just seems like he has no respect for my feelings on the subject and especially after everything we went through, I forgave him for a lot and he has promised since then to respect me more. Like I said I still get paranoid days and I'm just anxious at the thought of him spending a night away from me.
Tell me if I'm being a stupid psycho bunny boiler.
Mikey - thanks for your "help" but it is NOT all about me. I always put him first and I would walk through fire for him. I've forgiven him for a LOT and if your partner ever lies to your face and cheats and breaks your heart, you'll understand how I feel.